A Team

My good friend wrote this the other day on her blog. Love this girl.

"Go team!" That's what Kendall said when he saw me sitting on the floor of the law library this afternoon. I was there reading while Luke studied in his carrel next to me. Luke made it successfully through his first week of practice court; he's been working so hard. Read, eat, sleep. That's all. And not much of the eating and sleeping, really. But he's handling it so well, and I know he's going to keep doing that.Kendall looked a Luke's PC stuff (binders full of cases to be read and boxes full of more cases), asked a few questions about how he had it organized, and mentioned that his wife was going to help him get his in order. I liked that he said that, and I tried to imagine a world in which Luke would need my help with that kind of thing. Unimaginable.There are a lot of things that Luke will never need my help with; he's one of the most capable people that I have ever met. In a side-by-side comparison, he'd come out ahead of me a million times over. His strength, stability, and independence are some of the things that I love the most about him. But no matter how much I value those traits (and I do - very very much), being around someone like that that can make it easy for a girl to feel awfully small sometimes.But I'm learning something important: that there are a lot of ways to need someone. Even though Luke will never need my help with most things, and he doesn't need me in the way that I'm used to being needed, he still chooses me. Because he loves me and wants me and needs me in a different way.I liked it when Kendal called us a team, because after all of the mess this summer, I feel like a real team member again now that Luke is back. I feel like I can love and support him the way I want to--in the way that he needs me to. And I like being a part of a team.

What a great reminder that we need to support each other in our righteous desires and efforts and work together as a TEAM to succeed!

Share the Burden

Another Movie Review
I just finished watching the movie:
The Young Victoria
Aside from being a great historical fiction movie
It was a great lesson on relationships, marriage and love.

Since I am not a historian and do not know the actual details of these events, I will be commenting strictly on the events that took place in the movie.

Her good husband, Prince Albert, reminded me of my own husband. Patient, kind, understanding, wise, loving, gentle...and the list goes on and on.

I enjoyed two lessons in particular that we can gain from this story.

The first, is that we need to accept support from our spouse.

We are in it ALL together!

No matter what it is. If he's in school, or you have a difficult job...not mater what, we should be there to support and accept support from each other.

I love the picture above. Victoria is leaning on Albert. Allow him to take away some of her pressure and burden. Marriage is not about one spouse leading the other, but going through life together!

Victoria had a heavy responsibility. Albert was ready and willing to help and support her. She was so reluctant to accept his help, but by allowing her husband to support her she allowed their relationship to grow, respect to increase and the overall one-ness and happiness to blossom in their marriage.

The second lesson I enjoyed learning is to appreciate our spouse.

What a wonderful loving and supportive husband Albert was. Victoria had moments of being very unkind, overly emotional and even hurtful, and yet he still loved her and even risked his life for her. What a wonderful example of commitment and true love.

So, tonight, evaluate the good things in your spouse and the strength of support in your marriage. Thank your spouse for the love and kindness they show to you and decide what you can do to support your spouse more and allow them to do the same.

Bright Star

If you want to see a really sappy movie, watch Bright Star.

Everyone should feel this way about their spouse.

"My love has made me selfish. I cannot exist without you — I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again — my Life seems to stop there — I see no further. You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was dissolving — I should be exquisitely miserable without the hope of soon seeing you. [...] I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion — I have shudder'd at it — I shudder no more — I could be martyr'd for my Religion — Love is my religion — I could die for that — I could die for you."

(Letter, 13 October 1819).

The Butter to Each Other's Bread

I am absolutely obsessed with marital relationships. I'm not sure why, but everything I watch, everything I hear, everything I do, I relate to marriages and relationships...and I love it!

Today I finished watching Julie and Julia. I heard it was a good flick, so I popped it on. And you know what? I loved it! Not because it was about cooking, or about women, but because it was about amazingly supportive husbands and wonderful marriages.

These women, found themselves in a funk. No children, they didn't enjoy what they were currently doing with their life, so they DID something! They learned! And what did their husbands do? Supported them. Every step of the way. Through meltdowns, through setbacks, through heart aches. How sweet and tender is that?!

My own husband has been a wonderful support to me. When we were first married I still had some schooling to finish up. He finished his job and teaching early morning seminary before he planned to, and we moved to Utah for the summer so I could finish some classes. Then, over the next year, he supported me more as I worked hard to work full time AND complete the rest of my schooling. He would cook dinner, do the dishes, wash the laundry, and comfort & encourage me when I wanted to quit. Now its MY turn to support HIM while he completes the dental school.

I am not saying that a good husband should support his wife in whatever she wants to do. But I AM saying that a spouse should support their spouse in worthy goals. That means it goes both ways. Sometimes you will support your spouse, and other times in your marriage they will support you (or it maybe occur simultaneously).

But happiness in marriage will occur as we support, love, and care for each other.

To quote the movie:

May you and your spouse always be "the butter to [each other's] bread" as you support each other through life!

Optimism in Marriage

Dictionary.com defines Optimism as:
op·ti·mism –noun
1. a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome.

I believe that we are always happier when we are optimistic. Therefore, if we wish to be happy in our marriage, we should be optimistic in our marriage. We should "look on the more favorable side of events". This means we see our spouse's strengths, not their weaknesses. We see the good and nice things they do for us and others, not the bad or annoying.

(This does not, however, mean that we overlook wrong. If a spouse or family member is abusive, breaking the law, or breaking a commandment it is Not okay!)

Its the little things though. Have you ever heard the phrase: go into marriage with your eyes wide open and through marriage with your eyes half shut.

This means that before you get married you should know your spouse well enough that we see some of their weaknesses. When you get married you don't expect that they will change, or think that YOU can change them. It means you accept them for who they are, decide that you can see past those weaknesses, and love them for all the GOOD that is inside of them and that they are.

President Gordon B. Hinckley was one of the most optimistic people I know.
He shared this about optimism:
"We have every reason to be optimistic in this world. Tragedy is around, yes. Problems everywhere, yes. … [but] you [can] look with optimism, work with faith, and things happen...I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we accentuate the positive. I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good...that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears."
Gordon B. Hinckley, “Words of the Prophet: The Spirit of Optimism,” New Era, Jul 2001, 4

YES! Let us more fully enjoy that sunshine in our marriages. The happiness and joy we experience with our spouse. Let us see the good, and work together to help each other become better!

Optimist's Day

My friends and I have always considered ourselves optimists. Our Freshman year in high school we decided there needed to be a day dedicated to celebrating optimism. So, one of the last days of the school year we dubbed optimists day, ice cream was bought, and a tradition began.

Contrary to what some may think (...or tease, like my husband), optimism is not just saying the word "positive". For those who may not understand the idea, here is what optimism is and is not:

SITUATION: You go to make your favorite dinner and realize that one of the main ingredients is missing. You make due and substitute it with something else that gives it a completely new flavor.

NOT OPTIMISTIC: I'm positive that this dinner will be disgusting.

OPTIMISTIC: It's a good thing we were out of that ingredient, because now we get to try a whole new recipe! Who knows, maybe it will be better than the original!

We all have our own trials throughout life. I have found that life is much happier when we find the GOOD in each situation. The last couple years Austin and I have been given the trial of not yet being blessed with children. But we have also been blessed to be able to see the good that has come from this trial.

In honor of optimists day, here are a few things we have been blessed with and are optimistic about with our trial.
(some may not make sense, but trust me, they're related)


-I learned how to use a wheat grinder

-I learned how to make wheat bread

-We are learning how to eat healthier

-I've been more active and a better eater than ever before in my life

-We've had GREAT opportunities to serve those around us

-We have made wonderful trips, and memories with family and friends that may have not been possible with a larger family

-We have bonded with other families and couples that share our trial

-We have had time to build our relationship and had together that may not have been possible.

-We have had the opportunity to save for the day we need a little extra money, aka when there's an extra mouth to feed

-We have learned to be more patient
(and when I say WE, I mean ME, because Austin is already patient enough for the both of us)

-We have learned to more fully rely on the Lord and wait for HIS will to be done


President Gordon B. Hinckley was one of the most optimistic people I know.
He shared this about optimism:
"We have every reason to be optimistic in this world. Tragedy is around, yes. Problems everywhere, yes. … You can’t, you don’t, build out of pessimism or cynicism. You look with optimism, work with faith, and things happen...Do not despair. Do not give up. Look for the sunlight through the clouds...I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we accentuate the positive. I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good...that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears."
Gordon B. Hinckley, “Words of the Prophet: The Spirit of Optimism,” New Era, Jul 2001, 4

So, go enjoy optimists day with a big bowl of ice cream (in traditional celebratory fashion) and BE OPTIMISTIC!

Honeymoon Marriage Counselor

My Dad wrote this article over ten years ago. I remember when it was published. It has always stuck with me, and I have found it to be true so far in my marriage. I can only imagine how much more important it will be when my husband and I start having children in the mix.

Read it, Share it, Live by it:

Our stop in the small town was brief, but the lesson we learned has lasted a lifetime.
My wife and I met our first and only marriage counselor on our honeymoon. He was wearing a green forest ranger’s uniform and working in a historical museum in Cedar City, Utah. We met him there while taking a break during our long drive from California, where we had just been sealed in the Los Angeles Temple.
Soon after we entered the museum, the ranger recognized us as newlyweds. He began talking to us and asked if he could share some advice. With our permission, he told us of his aunt and uncle who had recently divorced after some 30 years of marriage. He said they were good people, but over the years they had “grown apart” or “fallen out of love” because they had ceased to do things together. He suggested that even if my wife were sewing, I could go into the same room and at least be with her and talk to her—be together with her.
My wife and I have always remembered this counsel given to us on the day after our union in the holy temple. There we were taught the greater obligation and eternal nature of marriage, a union in which we are to cleave unto each other and become one—in other words, be together.
We have tried to follow his advice in the simplest of ways. We often read books together or discuss a book we each have read individually. We sit next to each other at the dinner table rather than sitting at the head or foot of the table. We sit together at church rather than dividing ourselves among our children. In the evening, we often work on our individual projects in the same room. We regularly counsel together regarding our callings in the Church, home teaching or visiting teaching families, and talks or lessons.
Some years ago when my wife was very ill and in bed most of the day for a period of months, we had little time to be together. My commute to work was long, and when I arrived home there was much work to do: dinner to prepare and children to get ready for bed—then things to clean up. But after all was done, we would regularly spend time, however short, talking and praying together as a couple before we ended our day.
During that same period of difficulty, my wife and I came to realize we had a responsibility to work together to teach our children with the little time we had available. We were often invited to socials and other fun activities. However, we came to realize that some activities seemed to take us away from each other and our children rather than strengthening us and bringing us closer as a couple and family.
It can be subtly tempting to lay aside our commitment to covenants and companion when we are diverted by difficulty and disappointment or when the activities and challenges of daily living demand our immediate attention. How easy it can be to get lost in the world’s fun diversions, the work-a-day world of acquiring position and possessions, or even in spending too much time with our children instead of our partner. It is easy to forget our direction if we are not regularly studying the scriptures along with the words of our living prophets.
President Spencer W. Kimball wrote: “When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste, mentally and physically, … and both are working together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle” (Marriage and Divorce [1976], 24). Although we have never again met our Cedar City counselor, we thank him for his advice: work together, grow together, and live life together.

(Brent A. Fisher, “Honeymoon Marriage Counselor,” Ensign, Jan 1999, 44)

Our Time

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for two years. It has been an interesting journey, but we have been greatly blessed.

I have had a harder time than my husband (because us girls are just emotional like that) but in recent months we have been blessed with peace. With that peace, we have come to see all the wonderful blessing that we are able to experience while we are waiting for our family to start.

I have realized that the only other time we will have to just be US will be after our children are gone, and even then it will never be exactly the same.

I don't condone putting off a family for selfish reasons, even reasons of "US TIME" because it can be taken too far, or become an excuse. But starting a family is a personal choice. It is solely between you as a couple, and the Lord. When we have trust and faith in the Lord, he will bless us with a family when the time is right.

May I suggest, if you find yourself in a similar situation of wanting a family but not being blessed with one yet, that you find the good in the situation instead of stressing over something you don't have control over. Use this time to decide how you will parent. Learn a new skill. Find a way to serve those around you. But most importantly, enjoy the time that you have together and create some forever memories.

Guidelines Show Love

My cousin posted this on her blog the other day. I thought it was a very insightful observation about how we need to parent our children. Nowadays many parents would rather be their child's friend than their disciplinarian. I think you will agree that as we try to be their friend, there is often a lack in guidelines and children often end up being wild.

Here are her thoughts:

The parable of the coloring page.
Last Sunday I received some interesting insight while watching Dallin color during church. Here's how it went:

Dallin was coloring in church. He had no coloring pages, so he compensated by coloring pictures I'd drawn for him months ago. He tried very hard to stay within the lines! When he was given a blank page and a crayon, he scribbled wildly on the page. Just like how Dallin tried to carefully color in the lines I had given him, he will need spiritual lines to stay in as he grows and learns. Without those boundaries, he is loud, wild, and without a guide to stay within the area he needs to be. It is our responsibility as parents to provide those lines and boundaries for him and to help him and guide his hand. Some will say they should be free to color outside the lines and that boundaries restrict their freedom. This isn't so. While we are told to stay in between the lines we aren't told what colors to use. We can make the picture how we want it.

And may I add that as we give our children the proper guidelines to have a happy and successful life, it is one way that we show them how much we love them.

(A More Real) Love Story

I came across this from my sister not too long ago.

Its pretty funny. The typical "Love Story" and "Happily Ever After" we grow up with is a bit deceiving. I believe you CAN have a Happily Ever After, but that doesn't mean there won't be bumps along the way. In fact, its my opinion that the bumps are what make Happily Ever After that much more enjoyable!

Check it out:

The Gift of Motherhood

A few years ago my mother gave an amazing talk in sacrament meeting. I asked my mother for a copy of her talk and received her permission to post it on this blog.
Here is the slightly abridged version.
ENJOY!

Motherhood May 8, 2005 I love Sheri Dew. Many of you know that she once served as a counselor in the General Relief Society presidency. She is currently the president of Deseret Book. Sister Dew has never married and does not have children. Four years ago she gave a talk at the General Relief Society meeting entitled “Are We Not All Mothers?” She said: “While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lords’ language, the word ‘mother’ has layers of meaning….Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that…. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.” Sheri L. Dew (“Are We Not All Mothers?” Ensign, Nov. 2001, 96) She says “We are all mothers in Israel, and our calling is to love and help lead the rising generation.” When I speak of mothers and motherhood today, I am speaking to all women. I was the oldest of six children. I remember as a teenager I thought, “It can’t be all that hard to be a mother. I already clean the house, do a lot of the cooking and watch after my brothers and sisters. How hard can it be?” I had no idea!! Being a mother is more than keeping a clean house, feeding the children, and making sure they get to bed on time. Being a mother is nurturing the mind, body and spirits of children. Joanne Doxey, a former member the General Relief Society presidency said, “How eternal is our influence on our homes and families.... The proper nurturing and teaching of our children must be our first priority.” Joanne B. Doxey (“Remember Him”, Ensign, Nov.1989, 89) Many years ago when my three oldest children were young, I became very sick. For nearly a year I lay in bed. For many months I was too weak to read a book, watch TV or listen to the radio. All I could do was to lie on the bed and think and pray. I began to ask myself this question, “If I were to get well enough to do just one thing, what would I choose to do?” I decided that the one thing I would choose to do was to teach my children and help them develop their own testimonies. That became my highest priority. Let me repeat what Sister Doxey said, “The proper nurturing and teaching of our children must be our first priority.” Let me offer three suggestions on nurturing and teaching our children. 1. Prepare ourselves spiritually. When Elise was about 5 years old, I was talking with her and I recognized a teaching moment. I said, “You know, I have had a lot of different jobs. I have worked as a secretary. I have been a school teacher. But the most important job I have is to be a mother and teach my children how they should live.” Elise looked at me and said, “No that’s not the most important job.” I was a little surprised and asked her what she thought the most important job was. She said, “The most important job is to say your prayers and the second most important job is to be a mom and teach your children.” I thought about that a minute and decided she was right. Unless I say my prayers (and I have to add, study the scriptures) I won’t be spiritually in tune and won’t do as good a job teaching my children. We must prepare ourselves spiritually. 2. Ponder and pray about the needs of our children. The Lord knows our children better than we do. He is anxious to help us parent our children. If we ask, He will teach us how to teach them. Lately I have felt a need to teach my children about charity. As I have pondered and prayed, the Lord has blessed me with specific ideas on how to teach this important principle. Every child is different. Just when we think we have parenting all figured out, along comes a child who doesn’t respond to our parenting techniques. But the Lord will help us in knowing how to teach each of our children. We must ponder and pray about the needs of our children. 3. Look for the teaching moments. Parental teaching moments don’t need to be big, dramatic or powerful. Some of the best teaching moments are quiet one on one conversations. They can be while driving in the car, at mealtimes, while doing a chore together, or at the quiet time before bed. One of my daughters says that she recognizes that often both Brent and I will use teaching moments when we are watching a movie or TV show. We’ll point out a lesson that can be learned from what we have just watched. Listen to the spirit who can help us know when and how to teach our children. Look for the teaching moments. I believe that mothers want to do the best for their children. But as mothers we simply can’t give ALL good things to our children, but we can give SOMETHING. I believe every mother gives some kind of gift to her children. My mother gave me two great gifts. Through her example, she taught me and gave me the gift of faith and the gift of service. My mother had more faith than any person I know. She had the absolute assurance that if she asked the Lord for that which was right, it would happen. Many times people would come to my mother and ask her to pray for them. They knew that when Marie Allred prayed, the heavens responded. My mother also knew how to give Christ-like service. She did not have to be asked or assigned to help someone. She had a way of seeing a need and quietly giving service. I know of no one else that gave as much service to others as my mother. When she died she left a legacy of faith and service. Maybe as mothers we should think about what gift we are leaving our children. Is our gift material things or just the fun things of the world? Or are we giving them a gift that will affect them for eternity. We can also use our mothering gifts as we teach and guide children in Primary or Young Women or even by sitting next to a young mother in Sacrament Meeting and helping her with her children. David O. McKay once said that the nearest thing to Christ’s love for mankind is a mother’s love for her child. From my experience, I believe that to be true. I have a friend whose child was going through a terrible trial. This friend said that if she could, she would take that trial from her child and bear it herself. That is a mother’s love. That is the love Christ has for us. Because He loves us, he said, “If you will repent, I will suffer and bear the burden for you.” As mothers who love our children, I believe we begin to catch a glimpse of our Saviors love for us. Every mother worries that she is not doing enough for her children. She worries about the mistakes she makes raising her children. She worries about missed opportunities to bless her children. We can be assured that through the atonement of Jesus Christ, He will not only forgive us of our mistakes, but he will bless our children and compensate for the errors we may have made. That is a great blessing. In 1942 the First Presidency stated, “Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.” Herber J. Grant (Teaching of the Presidents of the Church, pg. 203) I am thankful to have been raised by a wonderful mother who loved the Lord. I am thankful to be a mother and for the lessons my children have taught me. As women, may we each fulfill the eternal calling which we have been given, that of motherhood.

"Ours is a Unifying Trial..."

I know a wonderful family that are perfect examples of everything this blog is about. They are a loving and caring family, and although they have horrendous trials of their own, they accept them and work through them with such character. On a recent post of this dear mother and wife, she wrote these words:

"Made me grateful that ours is a unifying trial.
Because I know that some trials are not."

I reflect on these words often, and this morning I thought about this wife's particular attitude towards the trial that their family has been going through, that started not too long after they were married. I wondered if it was the trial that was unifying, or if it was their attitude towards the trial that was unifying. It brought my mind to a recent General Conference talk of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

In the April 2010 Conference, Elder Donald L. Hallstrom spoke of how we respond to our trials. (I would encourage you to listen or read the entire talk.)

Elder Hallstrom spoke of many good and bad examples of how individuals, families and couples chose to respond to their given trials. One that stood out was the many trials and tribulations that the Prophet Joseph Smith went through. He said:

"Joseph's confidence in overcoming constant opposition, was based on his ability to continually turn to the Lord."

Elder Hallstrom encouraged us when we have a trial to:

"Without delay, turn to the Lord. Exercise all of the faith you have in him. Let him share your burden. Allow his grace to lighten your load."

This is exactly why this wonderful family, through heartbreaking circumstance and an unknown future, can continue to experience joy together daily and most importantly be unified. Even days that are extra hard. I know there could be many many different endings to each hurdle they face. But it is becuase of how they CHOOSE to respond that unifies them.

This is what family life, including marriage, is all about. We must work through our trials together. The Lord doesn't expect us to do it alone. That is why we have so many tender mercies, the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and most importantly, the atonement.

Elder Hallstrom also suggested that:

"No matter the size of the issue, how we respond can reset the course of our life."

As we respond to our trials with faith and unity, we will be strengthened and we can experience more joy and peace as a family and marriage unit.

May we learn from these great examples and choose to make our trials a unifying one.

"...babies don't keep"

I understand being a mother and a parent can be hard. But being a parent is also one of the most rewarding thing you can do on this earth. I've heard so many friends, acquaintances, and strangers complain about motherhood and parenting lately. It makes me so sad because there are so many people out there who would LOVE to be a parent. They would gladly put up with the diapers, and the late nights, and the whining, even the changes in their body to have the joy of loving and guiding a child of their own. I know that when they are small it's hard to see the end, but just remember: even though you can't see it, there is an end, and it will come sooner than you can ever expect. So think about these wise words from my dear sister.

I just can't believe how fast my baby is growing up! It seems that each child grows up faster than the last one. As a young girl I can remember wanting to know what my youngest sister would be like and look like when she was older. And I can also remember my mom telling us that it would happen soon enough and not to wish for her to grow up too fast. Now I understand. I just love my babies. It seems that only yesterday it was William pulling himself up on things--and now he's off to school and birthday parties and primary activities!Seeing them grow so fast reminds me of the poem that hung in our home growing up:

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow
For babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

So... if you stop by and my house is a mess just know that it's because I'm enjoying my babies before they grow up!

Be on the Same Team

Today's Post is by a dear friend of mine who also studied Marriage Family and Human Development at Brigham Young University. Here's what she has to say about being on the same team:

For Christmas Chad's parents gave us the game Stratego and last night I played it for the first time. Chad really liked the game growing up so he's pretty good at it and I, of course, lost miserably. I've always known that I am competitive but recently I've discovered that I am selectively competitive.
If I'm playing a game that I think I'm good at and really should win, I can get pretty vicious. Luckily for Chad, I didn't really mind losing last night so no blood was shed (although, the fact that Chad was able to win using his weakest player was pretty embarrassing).
My question for the day is... where do you think we get our competitive drive? Our parents? Experiences where we lost and vowed never to let it happen again? I don't remember my parents ever pushing us really hard to win anything so I'm not sure that's it. I guess Dad is pretty competitive so he didn't really have to say anything, we just caught on.
If there's anything I learned from being married and watching my siblings in their marriages... its always less contentious if you and your spouse are on the same team. Wouldn't you all agree?

To expound on what she said:

It is so crucial that we are on the same team as a couple. I don't know of any prominent marriage or parenting expert that doesn't encourage a couple to be have as much in common as possible BEFORE they get married. This is why we are encouraged to have the same religion, education, culture, financial beliefs etc. (I know one marriage expert that goes as far as encouraging people to have in common what temperature they prefer in a room.)

When we have these things in common we are more likely to agree on important matters when they arise and it makes it much easier to be on the same team. When it comes to parenting we need to support each other's decisions to discipline or praise our children. Children are confused when don't agree on matters.

To me, being on the same team is another way of saying, "being one". Just as Heavenly Father and Christ are one, so should we be in our marriage (Genesis 2:22-24). Our children should be able to go to each parent with the same question and expect the same answer. The Lord wants us to be on the same side because he wants us to become one. In the book Strengthening our Families, we read that, "In marriage, God intends to create a new spiritual and physical relationship marked by the words 'one flesh'". This should be our goal in marriage. It's not a competition, we are not enemies. In fact, it is just the opposite. We are teammates because the Lord, in his perfect plan, wants us to be on the same team.

"I just would not know how to get along without her..."

President Gordon B. Hinckley served as the President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from March 1995-January 2008. He was a great man who loved and served the Lord. There were many things I admired about him.

One great example he gave throughout his life, was how to have a great marriage. He said these sweet and tender words about his wife. I hope we can all feel this way about our spouse.

“I look upon my dear wife, soon to be 92 years of age. Her hair is white; her frame is stooped. I take one of her hands in mine and look at it. Once it was so beautiful, the flesh firm and clear. Now it is wrinkled and a little bony and not very strong. But it speaks of love and constancy and faith, of hard work through the years. Her memory is not what it once was. She can remember things that happened half a century ago but may not remember what happened half an hour ago. I am like that, too. But I am so grateful for her. For 66 years we have walked together, hand in hand, with love and encouragement, with appreciation and respect. It cannot be very long before one of us will step through the veil. I hope the other will follow soon. I just would not know how to get along without her, even on the other side, and I would hope that she would not know how to get along without me.”

Gordon B. Hinckley, “To the Women of the Church,” Liahona, Nov 2003, 113–15

Marrying for the right reasons

This is a pretty interesting article about cohabitation and marriage.

As I read it, I noticed that if these people followed a few basic principles they may have ended up with a happy marriage (probably to someone else).

-relied on the Lord to know if the marriage of right

-didn't cohabitate (it makes it harder to break up if you know its not right)

-kept the law of chastity (some got married because of a pregnancy)

-listened to the wise council of those older and wiser (i.e. parents)

Cohabitate or not?

I know that Cohabitation is becoming more and more popular in our world. In fact we see it all over the TV and movies as common place. My husband and I just watched a movie last night where a couple wasn't interested in the least in getting married, and for all the wrong reasons. If you are trying to decide what YOU think about cohabitation read a couple articles.

Here's one the was just published in USA Today. If one of your reasons is that your marriage will last longer...you might want to think again.

And then, read this beautifully written blog post by one of the greatest, everyday couples I know.

I choose commitment, I choose love, I choose marriage-FIRST.

And if you're curious even further, check out this website.

Make the Lord #1 in Your Life

It is only when we make our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ the number one priority in our lives, that everything else works out. Including our relationship with spouse and other family member.

Matthew 10:37

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

I know that as I have put the Lord first, including reading the scriptures and praying daily, I have had the spirit with me to know what I can do to make my family relationships strong.

I know as YOU follow that Lord and put Him first in your life, he will bless you and help you have joy and happiness in your life and relationships.

Valentine's Day Wisdom

I just came across this article that was printed on Valentines Day.

It's written by Steven Kalas, a behavioral health consultant and counselor here in Las Vegas. I've read a couple of his columns before and have been pretty impressed.

Let us remember the importance of loving and being loved, and thank our Father in Heaven for that love.

Happy Valentine's Day

Marriage and Money

Tonight I was thinking about money and marriage.

Did you know that one of the number one reasons for Divorce has to do with money?

Isn't that sad? So how do we avoid money being a problem in our own marriage?

I would suggest that you make sure you are on the same page from the beginning.

This means that if you aren't married, to make it something that is important to you as you look for a spouse. (See: Nice Extras, Highly Desirable, Must Haves)

Talk to your significant other about scenarios such as:

What types of things are okay to go into debt for?

How do you feel about savings accounts?

How much do you think is a good amount to save?

What are your thoughts on credit cards?

When my husband and I got married and I thought we were exactly on the same page about finances. For the most part we are, but after we got married we found out we didn't see everything the same as the other.

My husband is VERY good at getting a deal with almost anything he buys. He always looks around and makes sure that its what he wants, but at the least expensive price available.

I, however, grew up with a very frugal mother whose financial philosophies rubbed off on me a bit. If you looked up "Saver" in the dictionary you would see:

Saver: One who saves money.

and then there would be a picture of my mother.

That's how I grew up. Save, save, save, and save some more. When you buy something, do your best to get an ultra awesome deal, and don't spend more than you need to.

Even though we don't always see things exactly the same, we have learned to compromise.

I remember a friend telling me about her uncle who was extremely frugal also. He was so frugal, he would drive miles just to save a few pennies. Needless to say, his marriage ended in divorce with money being a factor in the failed marriage.

Likewise, someone who spends too much money can destroy their marriage as well. Obviously if we have bad habits of spending more than we have, or gambling our money away, this can also cause strain in a marriage.

(Understand: I'm not saying frugality is a negative thing. I endorse frugality, as long as it doesn't come between you and your spouse. Your marriage IS more important than money. Over spending, on the other hand, is never good for anyone.)

Bottom line:

Don't let money destroy your marriage. Find a compromise, work together, and decide as a couple how you best want to use your money.

One Flesh

As I was talking with a friend the other day she told me a story about her younger sister who is currently having marriage problems. The cause of these marital problems rooted from an unhealthy relationship with a childhood friend. They are currently working on repairing their marriage but at one point it seemed bleak. This was so sad to me that one person could be the cause of a marriage falling apart. It made me think about this scripture:

Gen. 2: 24
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

This scripture is not implying that we never talk to our father and mother again. But it DOES mean that when we marry we now work out our problems TOGETHER, we share our joys (and pains for that matter) TOGETHER, and most importantly we don't let anything or anyone come between us.

In some marriages one spouse is still being mommy and daddy's child which causes a rift in the marriage. In this case it was a friend. But it could be a plethora of other things: a game, a sport, a hobby, a show, another person, a job...and the list goes on and on.

“Marriage is a partnership of equals with neither exercising dominion over the other, but rather with each encouraging and assisting the other in whatever responsibilities and aspirations he or she might have.” -Gordon B. Hinckley

Marriage is about supporting and loving each other and above all,

becoming one.

New Year's Resolution

Not too long ago I saw the following New Years Resolution on this blog:

At our last stake conference (a large gathering of several LDS congregations in our area) our stake president shared (with a twinkle in his eye) one of his & his wife's goals for 2010:

Kiss each other at least 3 times a day. 1 kiss has to be at least 12 seconds long.

What a GREAT new years Resolution.

I recommend we ALL try it!

The Gospel is True and I Love You

I saw this story not too long ago posted by one of my sister's very best friends.

I received permission from her to post it here.

It's titled:

The Gospel is True and I Love You

It is such a beautiful example of how marriage should be.

May we all strive a little harder to find the good in our spouse and only speak words of praise.