Honeymoon Marriage Counselor

My Dad wrote this article over ten years ago. I remember when it was published. It has always stuck with me, and I have found it to be true so far in my marriage. I can only imagine how much more important it will be when my husband and I start having children in the mix.

Read it, Share it, Live by it:

Our stop in the small town was brief, but the lesson we learned has lasted a lifetime.
My wife and I met our first and only marriage counselor on our honeymoon. He was wearing a green forest ranger’s uniform and working in a historical museum in Cedar City, Utah. We met him there while taking a break during our long drive from California, where we had just been sealed in the Los Angeles Temple.
Soon after we entered the museum, the ranger recognized us as newlyweds. He began talking to us and asked if he could share some advice. With our permission, he told us of his aunt and uncle who had recently divorced after some 30 years of marriage. He said they were good people, but over the years they had “grown apart” or “fallen out of love” because they had ceased to do things together. He suggested that even if my wife were sewing, I could go into the same room and at least be with her and talk to her—be together with her.
My wife and I have always remembered this counsel given to us on the day after our union in the holy temple. There we were taught the greater obligation and eternal nature of marriage, a union in which we are to cleave unto each other and become one—in other words, be together.
We have tried to follow his advice in the simplest of ways. We often read books together or discuss a book we each have read individually. We sit next to each other at the dinner table rather than sitting at the head or foot of the table. We sit together at church rather than dividing ourselves among our children. In the evening, we often work on our individual projects in the same room. We regularly counsel together regarding our callings in the Church, home teaching or visiting teaching families, and talks or lessons.
Some years ago when my wife was very ill and in bed most of the day for a period of months, we had little time to be together. My commute to work was long, and when I arrived home there was much work to do: dinner to prepare and children to get ready for bed—then things to clean up. But after all was done, we would regularly spend time, however short, talking and praying together as a couple before we ended our day.
During that same period of difficulty, my wife and I came to realize we had a responsibility to work together to teach our children with the little time we had available. We were often invited to socials and other fun activities. However, we came to realize that some activities seemed to take us away from each other and our children rather than strengthening us and bringing us closer as a couple and family.
It can be subtly tempting to lay aside our commitment to covenants and companion when we are diverted by difficulty and disappointment or when the activities and challenges of daily living demand our immediate attention. How easy it can be to get lost in the world’s fun diversions, the work-a-day world of acquiring position and possessions, or even in spending too much time with our children instead of our partner. It is easy to forget our direction if we are not regularly studying the scriptures along with the words of our living prophets.
President Spencer W. Kimball wrote: “When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste, mentally and physically, … and both are working together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle” (Marriage and Divorce [1976], 24). Although we have never again met our Cedar City counselor, we thank him for his advice: work together, grow together, and live life together.

(Brent A. Fisher, “Honeymoon Marriage Counselor,” Ensign, Jan 1999, 44)

Our Time

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for two years. It has been an interesting journey, but we have been greatly blessed.

I have had a harder time than my husband (because us girls are just emotional like that) but in recent months we have been blessed with peace. With that peace, we have come to see all the wonderful blessing that we are able to experience while we are waiting for our family to start.

I have realized that the only other time we will have to just be US will be after our children are gone, and even then it will never be exactly the same.

I don't condone putting off a family for selfish reasons, even reasons of "US TIME" because it can be taken too far, or become an excuse. But starting a family is a personal choice. It is solely between you as a couple, and the Lord. When we have trust and faith in the Lord, he will bless us with a family when the time is right.

May I suggest, if you find yourself in a similar situation of wanting a family but not being blessed with one yet, that you find the good in the situation instead of stressing over something you don't have control over. Use this time to decide how you will parent. Learn a new skill. Find a way to serve those around you. But most importantly, enjoy the time that you have together and create some forever memories.

Guidelines Show Love

My cousin posted this on her blog the other day. I thought it was a very insightful observation about how we need to parent our children. Nowadays many parents would rather be their child's friend than their disciplinarian. I think you will agree that as we try to be their friend, there is often a lack in guidelines and children often end up being wild.

Here are her thoughts:

The parable of the coloring page.
Last Sunday I received some interesting insight while watching Dallin color during church. Here's how it went:

Dallin was coloring in church. He had no coloring pages, so he compensated by coloring pictures I'd drawn for him months ago. He tried very hard to stay within the lines! When he was given a blank page and a crayon, he scribbled wildly on the page. Just like how Dallin tried to carefully color in the lines I had given him, he will need spiritual lines to stay in as he grows and learns. Without those boundaries, he is loud, wild, and without a guide to stay within the area he needs to be. It is our responsibility as parents to provide those lines and boundaries for him and to help him and guide his hand. Some will say they should be free to color outside the lines and that boundaries restrict their freedom. This isn't so. While we are told to stay in between the lines we aren't told what colors to use. We can make the picture how we want it.

And may I add that as we give our children the proper guidelines to have a happy and successful life, it is one way that we show them how much we love them.

(A More Real) Love Story

I came across this from my sister not too long ago.

Its pretty funny. The typical "Love Story" and "Happily Ever After" we grow up with is a bit deceiving. I believe you CAN have a Happily Ever After, but that doesn't mean there won't be bumps along the way. In fact, its my opinion that the bumps are what make Happily Ever After that much more enjoyable!

Check it out:

The Gift of Motherhood

A few years ago my mother gave an amazing talk in sacrament meeting. I asked my mother for a copy of her talk and received her permission to post it on this blog.
Here is the slightly abridged version.
ENJOY!

Motherhood May 8, 2005 I love Sheri Dew. Many of you know that she once served as a counselor in the General Relief Society presidency. She is currently the president of Deseret Book. Sister Dew has never married and does not have children. Four years ago she gave a talk at the General Relief Society meeting entitled “Are We Not All Mothers?” She said: “While we tend to equate motherhood solely with maternity, in the Lords’ language, the word ‘mother’ has layers of meaning….Motherhood is more than bearing children, though it is certainly that…. It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.” Sheri L. Dew (“Are We Not All Mothers?” Ensign, Nov. 2001, 96) She says “We are all mothers in Israel, and our calling is to love and help lead the rising generation.” When I speak of mothers and motherhood today, I am speaking to all women. I was the oldest of six children. I remember as a teenager I thought, “It can’t be all that hard to be a mother. I already clean the house, do a lot of the cooking and watch after my brothers and sisters. How hard can it be?” I had no idea!! Being a mother is more than keeping a clean house, feeding the children, and making sure they get to bed on time. Being a mother is nurturing the mind, body and spirits of children. Joanne Doxey, a former member the General Relief Society presidency said, “How eternal is our influence on our homes and families.... The proper nurturing and teaching of our children must be our first priority.” Joanne B. Doxey (“Remember Him”, Ensign, Nov.1989, 89) Many years ago when my three oldest children were young, I became very sick. For nearly a year I lay in bed. For many months I was too weak to read a book, watch TV or listen to the radio. All I could do was to lie on the bed and think and pray. I began to ask myself this question, “If I were to get well enough to do just one thing, what would I choose to do?” I decided that the one thing I would choose to do was to teach my children and help them develop their own testimonies. That became my highest priority. Let me repeat what Sister Doxey said, “The proper nurturing and teaching of our children must be our first priority.” Let me offer three suggestions on nurturing and teaching our children. 1. Prepare ourselves spiritually. When Elise was about 5 years old, I was talking with her and I recognized a teaching moment. I said, “You know, I have had a lot of different jobs. I have worked as a secretary. I have been a school teacher. But the most important job I have is to be a mother and teach my children how they should live.” Elise looked at me and said, “No that’s not the most important job.” I was a little surprised and asked her what she thought the most important job was. She said, “The most important job is to say your prayers and the second most important job is to be a mom and teach your children.” I thought about that a minute and decided she was right. Unless I say my prayers (and I have to add, study the scriptures) I won’t be spiritually in tune and won’t do as good a job teaching my children. We must prepare ourselves spiritually. 2. Ponder and pray about the needs of our children. The Lord knows our children better than we do. He is anxious to help us parent our children. If we ask, He will teach us how to teach them. Lately I have felt a need to teach my children about charity. As I have pondered and prayed, the Lord has blessed me with specific ideas on how to teach this important principle. Every child is different. Just when we think we have parenting all figured out, along comes a child who doesn’t respond to our parenting techniques. But the Lord will help us in knowing how to teach each of our children. We must ponder and pray about the needs of our children. 3. Look for the teaching moments. Parental teaching moments don’t need to be big, dramatic or powerful. Some of the best teaching moments are quiet one on one conversations. They can be while driving in the car, at mealtimes, while doing a chore together, or at the quiet time before bed. One of my daughters says that she recognizes that often both Brent and I will use teaching moments when we are watching a movie or TV show. We’ll point out a lesson that can be learned from what we have just watched. Listen to the spirit who can help us know when and how to teach our children. Look for the teaching moments. I believe that mothers want to do the best for their children. But as mothers we simply can’t give ALL good things to our children, but we can give SOMETHING. I believe every mother gives some kind of gift to her children. My mother gave me two great gifts. Through her example, she taught me and gave me the gift of faith and the gift of service. My mother had more faith than any person I know. She had the absolute assurance that if she asked the Lord for that which was right, it would happen. Many times people would come to my mother and ask her to pray for them. They knew that when Marie Allred prayed, the heavens responded. My mother also knew how to give Christ-like service. She did not have to be asked or assigned to help someone. She had a way of seeing a need and quietly giving service. I know of no one else that gave as much service to others as my mother. When she died she left a legacy of faith and service. Maybe as mothers we should think about what gift we are leaving our children. Is our gift material things or just the fun things of the world? Or are we giving them a gift that will affect them for eternity. We can also use our mothering gifts as we teach and guide children in Primary or Young Women or even by sitting next to a young mother in Sacrament Meeting and helping her with her children. David O. McKay once said that the nearest thing to Christ’s love for mankind is a mother’s love for her child. From my experience, I believe that to be true. I have a friend whose child was going through a terrible trial. This friend said that if she could, she would take that trial from her child and bear it herself. That is a mother’s love. That is the love Christ has for us. Because He loves us, he said, “If you will repent, I will suffer and bear the burden for you.” As mothers who love our children, I believe we begin to catch a glimpse of our Saviors love for us. Every mother worries that she is not doing enough for her children. She worries about the mistakes she makes raising her children. She worries about missed opportunities to bless her children. We can be assured that through the atonement of Jesus Christ, He will not only forgive us of our mistakes, but he will bless our children and compensate for the errors we may have made. That is a great blessing. In 1942 the First Presidency stated, “Motherhood is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.” Herber J. Grant (Teaching of the Presidents of the Church, pg. 203) I am thankful to have been raised by a wonderful mother who loved the Lord. I am thankful to be a mother and for the lessons my children have taught me. As women, may we each fulfill the eternal calling which we have been given, that of motherhood.