Monday, May 30, 2016
Putting Marriage First
I saw a great article today that talked about how the Prime Minister of Canada has chosen to take a day off from his tour in Japan to celebrate his wedding anniversary.
It also goes on to talk about how there seems to be a new generation of men that are choosing to put their spouses first.
I sure hope that's true because its one thing the world desperately needs (spouses putting each other first).
You can read the article here.
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Simplifying parenthood (and life)
I saw someone post an article on facebook today titled: "5 Ways We're Making Parenting harder". I was curious to see if there was any truth to this article so I opened it up to read. The author had some good thoughts to share. If you want to read the whole article you can find it here:
http://wellcommons.com/weblogs/larryvillemom/2013/aug/21/5-ways-were-making-parenting-harder/ (but be warned, there is some language)
These are the 5 points she makes and my thoughts on the matter:
1- Birthday Parties
2- Elf on the Shelf
3- Organic Everything
4- Kid's Sports
5- Pinterest
To me points 1, 2 and 4 are things that are unnecessary uses of our time. Don't get me wrong, parties are fun and Christmas traditions are great. Sports teams can teach wonderful things to our children, but how much time are we spending on each of those activities. Just because someone we know does it, doesn't mean we need to also. And if we do have a fun party planned, enroll our child in sports or decide to do a fun Christmas tradition, it doesn't have to be an activity that consumes our day or life.
Point number 5 goes along with the above. I know that I can't think of every good way to clean my house, organize my closets, cook a great meal or teach my children. I'm grateful for those that are willing to share their ideas, but if I'm spending an unreasonable amount of time looking about these ideas, or ideas that I would NEVER actually put into action, then Pinterest is a waste of my time and I should stop or cut back.
The 3rd point is unnecessary worry. I think that we should try to give our children the best possible life. And if that life includes healthier food to eat, then I should do my best to give it to them. But if I can't afford to feed my family all organic food, or buy organic clothes, then I shouldn't. Maybe I can pick out those things that will have the greatest benefit to my family, such as the dirty dozen, and not worry about the rest.
I believe that one of Satan's tools is distraction. When we fill our life with unnecessary things than we are distracted from the things that matter most to us, and to our family.
I love this quote:
"I do not know of another period in the history of the world that has been so filled with such a variety of entangling nets. Our lives are so easily filled with appointments, meetings, and tasks. It is so easy to get caught in a multitude of nets that sometimes even a suggestion of breaking free of them can be threatening and even frightening to us.
Sometimes we feel that the busier we are, the more important we are—as though our busyness defines our worth. Brothers and sisters, we can spend a lifetime whirling about at a feverish pace, checking off list after list of things that in the end really don’t matter.
That we do a lot may not be so important. That we focus the energy of our minds, our hearts, and our souls on those things of eternal significance—that is essential." (Follow Me, Joseph B. Wirthlin, April 2002).
Here are some other great quotes:
"Remember, too much of anything in life can throw us off-balance. At the same time, too little of the important things can do the same thing. King Benjamin counseled 'that all these things are done in wisdom and order' (Mosiah 4:27)." (Keeping Life's Demands in Balance, M. Russell Ballard, April Conference 1987)
"We will move faster if we hurry less.” (Spencer W. Kimball, “Let Us Move Forward and Upward,” Ensign, May 1979, 83.)
“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." (Ezra Taft Benson, "The Great Commandment--Love the Lord," Ensign, May 1988)
So evaluate your family life and priorities, don't feel like you have to do it all or be busy all the time and remember most of all, that when God is first all other things will fall into place.
Monday, January 5, 2015
Being a Happy Wife (or Spouse)
Last year I came across a something a friend pinned on Pinterest. It was about marriage and being the marriage advocate I am, I pinned it too. I started following the links and found this GREAT site called Happy Wives Club. It was started by a woman, in a happy marriage, who was tired of hearing women complain about marriage and wanted to prove that you CAN be happy in marriage and that there are LOTS of happily married couples. She spent time traveling all over the world interviewing happily married couples trying to find their secret and then wrote a book.
For a few months I became a little engrossed with this Ladies work. It was right after my second son was born and I would read her book while I nursed. I signed up for her emails and I followed her blog.
The thing that has stood out to me the most of successful marriages is that they CHOOSE to be happy. Happiness is a choice and each of these happily married couples have made a conscious choice to be happy in their marriage.
I could go on and on. It makes me so happy that there are a group of people that have chosen to show the world that happiness in marriage is possible and lasting marriages DO happen. You should check out it out!
Here's a taste of the types of things she posts on her site:
10 Resolutions for Your Marriage:
1. Forgive and Forget.
This year, strive to forgive your spouse as soon as they apologize or ask for forgiveness. It’s easy to hold a grudge or to bring up past grievances, but letting these things go and forgiving your spouse can lead to a happier self and a happier marriage!
This year, strive to forgive your spouse as soon as they apologize or ask for forgiveness. It’s easy to hold a grudge or to bring up past grievances, but letting these things go and forgiving your spouse can lead to a happier self and a happier marriage!
2. Spend More Time Together.
So many people are so busy, too busy. Life gets in the way and the important things in life tend to fall to the wayside. In 2015, resolute to spend more time with your spouse! Whether it be more date nights or more time at home together, I’m sure your spouse will appreciate having more of you in their life!
So many people are so busy, too busy. Life gets in the way and the important things in life tend to fall to the wayside. In 2015, resolute to spend more time with your spouse! Whether it be more date nights or more time at home together, I’m sure your spouse will appreciate having more of you in their life!
3. Put Your Spouse First.
In a day and age when there are so many things that scream for our attention, it’s important that our spouses feels like they are important in our lives. This year, determine to put your spouse above all the noise trying to attract your attention. Determine to put them first.
In a day and age when there are so many things that scream for our attention, it’s important that our spouses feels like they are important in our lives. This year, determine to put your spouse above all the noise trying to attract your attention. Determine to put them first.
4. Seek God Together.
It’s sometimes easy to judge our spouse for the things they do, but learning to seek God together can help your relationship become stronger and help us learn to focus more on the things we need to fix in our own lives. Resolute in 2015 to seek God together and watch your relationship grow stronger together and in God!
It’s sometimes easy to judge our spouse for the things they do, but learning to seek God together can help your relationship become stronger and help us learn to focus more on the things we need to fix in our own lives. Resolute in 2015 to seek God together and watch your relationship grow stronger together and in God!
5. Cultivate Common Interests.
It’s easy to do things that interest you personally, but why not learn some new hobbies with your spouse? This year, find some common interests that both you and your spouse would enjoy, and do them often! What better way to have fun with your spouse and learn more about them?
It’s easy to do things that interest you personally, but why not learn some new hobbies with your spouse? This year, find some common interests that both you and your spouse would enjoy, and do them often! What better way to have fun with your spouse and learn more about them?
6. Work Toward Conflict Resolution.
No marriage is perfect, but a peaceful marriage is one to strive for! Let 2015 be the year you work toward healthy conflict resolution. Learn better strategies for your marriage and learn how to discuss things peacefully with your spouse. Strive toward healthy communication!
No marriage is perfect, but a peaceful marriage is one to strive for! Let 2015 be the year you work toward healthy conflict resolution. Learn better strategies for your marriage and learn how to discuss things peacefully with your spouse. Strive toward healthy communication!
7. Keep the Passion Alive.
Maybe your marriage has gotten a little boring, you do the same things every day and nothing seems fun or out of the ordinary. Let 2015 be the year you change all that! Determine to keep the passion alive and help things get steamy instead of boring. You will both be thankful you did!
Maybe your marriage has gotten a little boring, you do the same things every day and nothing seems fun or out of the ordinary. Let 2015 be the year you change all that! Determine to keep the passion alive and help things get steamy instead of boring. You will both be thankful you did!
8. Flirt more!
Who doesn’t like to flirt a little with their spouse? It’s fun and brings back the spice you might remember from your dating years! This year, resolute to flirt more with your spouse. There are so many fun ways to flirt, and your spouse just might be surprised and happy that you started it!
Who doesn’t like to flirt a little with their spouse? It’s fun and brings back the spice you might remember from your dating years! This year, resolute to flirt more with your spouse. There are so many fun ways to flirt, and your spouse just might be surprised and happy that you started it!
9. Say, “I love you” every day.
A lot times it’s easy to assume that our spouse knows we love them. But there are so many different ways to say and show that you love them. This year, don’t let a day go by without saying it. Resolute to say, “I love you” in a special way every day.
A lot times it’s easy to assume that our spouse knows we love them. But there are so many different ways to say and show that you love them. This year, don’t let a day go by without saying it. Resolute to say, “I love you” in a special way every day.
10. Communicate Appreciation.
So many people feel under appreciated because their spouse doesn’t take the time to communicate appreciation for them and what they do. Don’t let another year go by without telling your spouse how much you appreciate them. Resolute to communicate appreciation as much as possible!
So many people feel under appreciated because their spouse doesn’t take the time to communicate appreciation for them and what they do. Don’t let another year go by without telling your spouse how much you appreciate them. Resolute to communicate appreciation as much as possible!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Supoorting your spouse
Maybe this is old fashioned, but I grew up being taught that you go where your husband leads your family.
My mother grew up her entire life in the same city. College was her first experience living outside of the state she grew up in. When she married my dad she was aware that he had an obligation to the US Army (through a college military scholarship). Although he was only in the military for four years, that was the beginning of many moves for my parents.
My dad grew up with a military father, was acustomed to moving and, I think, enjoyed it.
I was always impressed with how my mother supported my father in each endevor that led our family to another move.
When my husband and I were dating, he asked me one night where my ideal place to live would be. I had never really thought about it because I had made up in my mind that where ever my husband was would be my ideal place to live. You see, I had always dreamed of being a mother. Staying home with my children and nurturing them. In college I developed dreams of becoming a Marrige and Family Therapist or counselor, but my first dream was to be a mother. I had many examples around me of great women who were mothers to their children and once they were grown, went on to develop careers and influence others around them. Since my first dream was to be home with my children, I knew my husband would have to work hard in order to provide enough for me to not work. Because this would require sacrifices on his part, I figured the least I could do is support him in whatever he did or where ever he worked in order to provide for us.
Towards the end of my husband's second year in dental school he began talking about having an interest in Oral Surgery. He spoke very casually about the interest but I began to prepare myself for the possibility. I knew it would be difficult and I knew it would take our family far from what we were used to (both of us being native to the west coast and the majority of OMS programs being located on the east coast). But thanks to the great examples my parents were, it wasn't difficult for me. Instead of deciding IF I would be willing to move across the country, I began making a mental list of all the good I could find from it.
I've been thinking lately about individuals in my life. I've been surprised by some of them and their seemingly unwillingness to support their spouse. I have witnessed a couple where the husband suffered through a job he hated for over thirty years in order to provide a extremely comfortable life for his family in the present and in the future. His one dream requires a time commitment and a temporary move for him and his spouse. However, his spouse doesn't seem to be completey on board. Instead she is worried about what SHE wants. It baffles me...
I understand that every family situation is different, and the family dynamics my husband and I have are not the right thing for every family, but whatever our family situation is, we are here to love and care for one another. Part of that means supporting each other and encouraging each other to do good things, even if it means sacrifice on our end.
My mother grew up her entire life in the same city. College was her first experience living outside of the state she grew up in. When she married my dad she was aware that he had an obligation to the US Army (through a college military scholarship). Although he was only in the military for four years, that was the beginning of many moves for my parents.
My dad grew up with a military father, was acustomed to moving and, I think, enjoyed it.
I was always impressed with how my mother supported my father in each endevor that led our family to another move.
When my husband and I were dating, he asked me one night where my ideal place to live would be. I had never really thought about it because I had made up in my mind that where ever my husband was would be my ideal place to live. You see, I had always dreamed of being a mother. Staying home with my children and nurturing them. In college I developed dreams of becoming a Marrige and Family Therapist or counselor, but my first dream was to be a mother. I had many examples around me of great women who were mothers to their children and once they were grown, went on to develop careers and influence others around them. Since my first dream was to be home with my children, I knew my husband would have to work hard in order to provide enough for me to not work. Because this would require sacrifices on his part, I figured the least I could do is support him in whatever he did or where ever he worked in order to provide for us.
Towards the end of my husband's second year in dental school he began talking about having an interest in Oral Surgery. He spoke very casually about the interest but I began to prepare myself for the possibility. I knew it would be difficult and I knew it would take our family far from what we were used to (both of us being native to the west coast and the majority of OMS programs being located on the east coast). But thanks to the great examples my parents were, it wasn't difficult for me. Instead of deciding IF I would be willing to move across the country, I began making a mental list of all the good I could find from it.
I've been thinking lately about individuals in my life. I've been surprised by some of them and their seemingly unwillingness to support their spouse. I have witnessed a couple where the husband suffered through a job he hated for over thirty years in order to provide a extremely comfortable life for his family in the present and in the future. His one dream requires a time commitment and a temporary move for him and his spouse. However, his spouse doesn't seem to be completey on board. Instead she is worried about what SHE wants. It baffles me...
I understand that every family situation is different, and the family dynamics my husband and I have are not the right thing for every family, but whatever our family situation is, we are here to love and care for one another. Part of that means supporting each other and encouraging each other to do good things, even if it means sacrifice on our end.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Getting Married the right way
I don't usually read articles friends post, but this one was about marriage so I had to read it.
And I'm so glad I did. Being raised LDS I was always taught the right and best thing to do was to wait "until the wedding night" but it seems like it is increasingly a peculiar thing to do. I love hearing about good people, especially not of my faith, that are continuing to do the right thing (because it is RIGHT, not an opinion).
It gives me hope.
So please take a couple minutes to read this article and share it with those you know (especially youth!)
Waiting till the wedding night – getting married the right way
Published September 14, 2012
FoxNews.com
Let me preface this column by saying this: my wife (I have to get used to saying that) and I not only waited sexually in every way (no, we didn’t pull the Bill Clinton and technically avoid “sex” sex,) but we didn’t shack up as live-ins and most importantly, we courted each other in a way that was consistent with our publicly professed values.
We did it right.
Feeling judged? I couldn’t care less. You know why? Because my wife and I were judged all throughout our relationship. People laughed, scoffed and poked fun at the young, celibate, naive Christian couple.
We’d certainly never make it to the wedding without schtupping, and if we did, our “wedding night would be awkward and terrible,” they said.
Turns out that people couldn’t have been more wrong. Looking back, I think that the women saying those things felt like the floozies they ultimately were, and the men, with their fickle manhood tied to their pathetic sexual conquests, felt threatened.
I think it’s important to write this column not to gloat (though I’ll be glad to), but to speak up for all of the young couples that have also done things the right way. When people do marriage right, they don’t complain so much, and so their voices are silenced by the rabble of promiscuous charlatans, peddling their pathetic world view as “progressive.”
Our wedding was perfect. Our wedding night was nothing short of amazing. I write this on a plane heading into a tropical paradise with the most beautiful woman to have walked the planet earth. I know everybody says that their bride was the “most beautiful in the world.” They’re wrong. I win.
I’d like to tell you a story of our morning after, however. One that transpired into one of the most glaring epiphanies I’d ever had.
As my wife (again, still not used to that) and I ate breakfast at a local inn, we discussed how excited we were to start the rest of our lives together, how scary it was that everything was now so different. At the same time, we overheard the table next to us discussing their very own wedding from the night prior. What a coincidence!
“The thing is, nothing’s really changed,” the bride said.
Puzzled, my wife asked, “Did you get married last night too? So did we!”
“Congratulations!” the other dame said. “Yeah we did, just last night.”
“Where’s the groom?” my wife innocently… scratch that, naively asked.
“Oh, he’s sleeping. There was no way he was coming out with me this morning!” She paused and smirked. “Let’s just say that he’s got a lingering headache from a really good time last night.”
My heart sank. Firstly, that poor schmuck's “good time” was simply getting snookered. Not enjoying the company of close family and long-lost friends with a clear head and clean conscience, not staring in awe at his beautiful new wife, wanting to soak in every glimmer of her eyes as she shot him heart-racing looks from across the dance floor, not taking all of the cheesy pictures as they cut the cake, not even carrying her across that suite threshold as they nervously anticipated their “nightcap.” He probably won’t remember any of it. Instead, he got smashed. He was “that guy”… at his own freaking wedding.
Then I realized something. Our wedding was truly a once in a lifetime event. It was a God’s-honest celebration of two completely separate lives now becoming one. Physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually, everything that made us who we were individually was becoming what bonded us together. Our family traveled from far and wide to celebrate the decision of two young people to truly commit themselves to each other, and selflessly give themselves to one another in a way that they never had before that very night.
The people next to us that morning? Well, theirs was just one big party. And the morning after? Just another hangover.
Our “weddings” were the same event in name only. They know it, and we know it.
Do yours the right way. If you’re young and wondering whether you should wait, whether you should just give in, become a live-in harlot/mimbo and do it the world’s way. If you’re wondering whether all of the mocking, the ridicule, the incredible difficulty of saving yourself for your spouse is worth it, let me tell you without a doubt that it is. Your wedding can be the most memorable day and night of your life… or just another party.
Oops. Did I just make a “judgment?” You’re darn right I did.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Weddings and Marriages
When my husband and I decided to get married he was surprised that I didn't have the typical "young girl wedding fantasy". He insisted I have my dream wedding, but to be honest I hadn't spent much time dreaming about any aspect of a wedding. I focused more of my time on my dream marriage.
I can remember as a child my parents expressing that the wedding celebration wasn't nearly as important as where we were married (we believe in being sealed together for eternity in temples) and who we married. I'm grateful my parents instilled such an important concept at such a young age.
I was thinking about this today as I reflected on seeing highlights on TV from a celebrity wedding. It was very clear how important the wedding (flowers, color schemes, pre and post celebrations, guests etc.) was to this young girl and her mother. I started thinking about how little the groom was mentioned and it was almost as if he wasn't important.
This brought on a whole slew of thoughts. I remember a few years back hearing a story about an organist that was approached by a young girl to play at her wedding. As the girl expressed the song she wished to be played as she walked down the aisle, the organist asked if she wanted a more traditional song. The girls reply was, "No, I'm going to save that for my second wedding".
The organist was so shocked that this girl was planning on her first marriage failing from the beginning. The organist refused to play at the wedding.
(I was just as shocked to hear this story and I quite agree with her response).
A couple years ago I worked with a great lady who was a single mom at the time. Her story of single parenthood was sad. She married her high school sweetheart not too long after they graduated high school with an elaborate wedding (that they may have even gone into debt for). They went away to college and got pregnant. When they moved back to their home city just shortly after finding out they were pregnant her husband decided that he had enough of the married life and wanted to be wild and free, leaving my friend pregnant and alone. She expressed to me how much she regretted having such an elaborate wedding because she now realized that it wasn't important. This great lady wanted to be married once again but decided that when she married it would be simple because she now knew what was important was the marriage, NOT the wedding. A couple years later she did remarry and I was fortunate enough to be present. It was a simple wedding with less than 2 dozen witnesses present and they are happily married.
So what is the point of all this? Are weddings necessary? YES! The promises and covenants we make to one another are sacred and important.
Is having a wedding celebration necessary? It's nice to allow those we love to celebrate and joy in such an important step in our lives. Do we need to spend lots of money on this event? NO!
What is MOST IMPORTANT is who we marry and the commitment we are making to one another. Don't get caught up in the fantasy of a wedding. Dream about and work hard on the reality of a happy lasting, even eternal, MARRIAGE!
Marriage Contract
I saw this on a friend's blog (Ask Amy). The couple that actually came up with this contract are the parents of one of the greatest woman I know.
I think what they have put together is pretty wonderful and worth considering for every marriage.
Marriage ContractDee & DeAnna Packer
I commit total loyalty to Jesus Christ, His commandments, and you--realizing that marriage and the family are central to God’s Plan of Happiness. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)
I understand that my fulfillment as a person does not ultimately depend upon any other person, including you. Though I commit myself to be one with you, I am in charge of my personal happiness. Proverbs 23:7
I accept you as a unique and separate person who is very different from me. I understand I need to deal with those differences in ways that are not critical or judgmental. You do not have to be a carbon copy of me.
· When we collide—because of our differences—I will negotiate with you, invite you to meet me half way rather than insisting you think, act, or believe my way. “Learn to listen, listen to learn”… "With all thy getting, get UNDERSTANDING." Proverbs 4: 7
· I will not relentlessly complain about you. If I am constantly unhappy, I will look inward for ways of changing me so I can feel better. Proverbs 21:19
When I do need changes, I will ask for them, using kind language (“Would you be willing…,” etc.). I will take responsibility for inviting rather than demanding changes from you.
· I will allow you to say no, and will also exercise that right when I do not feel good about giving what you’ve requested. However, instead of a flat “no,” I will make counter-proposals to try to find a solution that will meet your needs and mine. If I say yes to you, I will give what you want without resentment.
I recognize that when I get angry with you, it is because I am creating anger in myself. I realize, too, that I am responsible for expressing my anger in ways that are not destructive to you.
· No matter how angry or upset I get, I will never threaten to, or actually harm you or myself. If I tend to become harsh or abusive when I get angry, I will take immediate steps to learn how to avoid such behavior.
· I will not use anger, or sulking, or continuing to be hurt as methods of controlling you. Neither will I use criticism or pin pricks to pressure you to do what I want. I will not call the relationship into jeopardy if we quarrel by threatening to leave you or to end the relationship. “Church callings are temporary…family relationships are permanent.” Dallin H. Oaks Oct. 2005 (What is the difference between admonition and criticism? D&C 6:19)
I give highest priority to my loyalty to you. I will not reveal confidences you have shared with me without advance permission. I will not embarrass you by airing our differences or by drawing other people into our conflicts.
· I will not make you the brunt of jokes.
· I will not flirt or give ‘come-on’ signals to others that will humiliate you and undermine our relationship.
· I will put your needs before those of outsiders, and I will protect you from criticism by not complaining to these people.
When I am happy with you, I will tell the world. When I am unhappy with you, I will tell only you. If I genuinely need help, I will confide in someone who can give aid rather than someone who will just agree with me.
· I will consistently give you feedback concerning your positive qualities, actions and growth.
. I will keep my negative feedback to a minimum and my positive feedback to a maximum.
I will keep my body healthy and attractive. But, realizing that perfection is unrealistic, I give you, and myself, the right not to be a perfect “10.” I will also find challenges to keep myself mentally alert. D&C 89
I recognize I do not “own” or “possess” you. Because of this, I will refrain from using words like “allow” or “let” or “can’t” in reference to your activities. I ask that you extend the courtesy of coordinating your schedule with mine, but I do not expect you to ask permission to do the things you wish.
· I will not try to control or manipulate you with sex or money. I will share equal responsibility with you for planning our mutual finances and for making joint decisions about major expenditures.
· I place high value on our love and will be open to you sexually. If at times I may not feel available, I will tell you kindly and directly.
· I give you the right to “private” time—time to pursue individual interests, to enjoy solitude, or to do nothing. I will give you that time without complaint or penalty.
. I give high priority to creating “we” times that bond us together. I will often reach out to talk to you, to be affectionate, and to work and play side by side I will remember that truly, "two are better than one." Ecclesiastes 4:9
I commit total loyalty to Jesus Christ, His commandments, and you--realizing that marriage and the family are central to God’s Plan of Happiness. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)
I understand that my fulfillment as a person does not ultimately depend upon any other person, including you. Though I commit myself to be one with you, I am in charge of my personal happiness. Proverbs 23:7
I accept you as a unique and separate person who is very different from me. I understand I need to deal with those differences in ways that are not critical or judgmental. You do not have to be a carbon copy of me.
· When we collide—because of our differences—I will negotiate with you, invite you to meet me half way rather than insisting you think, act, or believe my way. “Learn to listen, listen to learn”… "With all thy getting, get UNDERSTANDING." Proverbs 4: 7
· I will not relentlessly complain about you. If I am constantly unhappy, I will look inward for ways of changing me so I can feel better. Proverbs 21:19
When I do need changes, I will ask for them, using kind language (“Would you be willing…,” etc.). I will take responsibility for inviting rather than demanding changes from you.
· I will allow you to say no, and will also exercise that right when I do not feel good about giving what you’ve requested. However, instead of a flat “no,” I will make counter-proposals to try to find a solution that will meet your needs and mine. If I say yes to you, I will give what you want without resentment.
I recognize that when I get angry with you, it is because I am creating anger in myself. I realize, too, that I am responsible for expressing my anger in ways that are not destructive to you.
· No matter how angry or upset I get, I will never threaten to, or actually harm you or myself. If I tend to become harsh or abusive when I get angry, I will take immediate steps to learn how to avoid such behavior.
· I will not use anger, or sulking, or continuing to be hurt as methods of controlling you. Neither will I use criticism or pin pricks to pressure you to do what I want. I will not call the relationship into jeopardy if we quarrel by threatening to leave you or to end the relationship. “Church callings are temporary…family relationships are permanent.” Dallin H. Oaks Oct. 2005 (What is the difference between admonition and criticism? D&C 6:19)
I give highest priority to my loyalty to you. I will not reveal confidences you have shared with me without advance permission. I will not embarrass you by airing our differences or by drawing other people into our conflicts.
· I will not make you the brunt of jokes.
· I will not flirt or give ‘come-on’ signals to others that will humiliate you and undermine our relationship.
· I will put your needs before those of outsiders, and I will protect you from criticism by not complaining to these people.
When I am happy with you, I will tell the world. When I am unhappy with you, I will tell only you. If I genuinely need help, I will confide in someone who can give aid rather than someone who will just agree with me.
· I will consistently give you feedback concerning your positive qualities, actions and growth.
. I will keep my negative feedback to a minimum and my positive feedback to a maximum.
I will keep my body healthy and attractive. But, realizing that perfection is unrealistic, I give you, and myself, the right not to be a perfect “10.” I will also find challenges to keep myself mentally alert. D&C 89
I recognize I do not “own” or “possess” you. Because of this, I will refrain from using words like “allow” or “let” or “can’t” in reference to your activities. I ask that you extend the courtesy of coordinating your schedule with mine, but I do not expect you to ask permission to do the things you wish.
· I will not try to control or manipulate you with sex or money. I will share equal responsibility with you for planning our mutual finances and for making joint decisions about major expenditures.
· I place high value on our love and will be open to you sexually. If at times I may not feel available, I will tell you kindly and directly.
· I give you the right to “private” time—time to pursue individual interests, to enjoy solitude, or to do nothing. I will give you that time without complaint or penalty.
. I give high priority to creating “we” times that bond us together. I will often reach out to talk to you, to be affectionate, and to work and play side by side I will remember that truly, "two are better than one." Ecclesiastes 4:9
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