Simplifying parenthood (and life)

I saw someone post an article on facebook today titled: "5 Ways We're Making Parenting harder".  I was curious to see if there was any truth to this article so I opened it up to read.  The author had some good thoughts to share.  If you want to read the whole article you can find it here:

http://wellcommons.com/weblogs/larryvillemom/2013/aug/21/5-ways-were-making-parenting-harder/ (but be warned, there is some language)

These are the 5 points she makes and my thoughts on the matter:

1- Birthday Parties

2- Elf on the Shelf

3- Organic Everything

4- Kid's Sports

5- Pinterest

To me points 1, 2 and 4 are things that are unnecessary uses of our time.  Don't get me wrong, parties are fun and Christmas traditions are great.  Sports teams can teach wonderful things to our children, but how much time are we spending on each of those activities.   Just because someone we know does it, doesn't mean we need to also.  And if we do have a fun party planned, enroll our child in sports or decide to do a fun Christmas tradition, it doesn't have to be an activity that consumes our day or life.

Point number 5 goes along with the above.  I know that I can't think of every good way to clean my house, organize my closets, cook a great meal or teach my children.  I'm grateful for those that are willing to share their ideas, but if I'm spending an unreasonable amount of time looking about these ideas, or ideas that I would NEVER actually put into action, then Pinterest is a waste of my time and I should stop or cut back.

The 3rd point is unnecessary worry.  I think that we should try to give our children the best possible life.  And if that life includes healthier food to eat, then I should do my best to give it to them.  But if I can't afford to feed my family all organic food, or buy organic clothes, then I shouldn't.  Maybe I can pick out those things that will have the greatest benefit to my family, such as the dirty dozen, and not worry about the rest.

I believe that one of Satan's tools is distraction.  When we fill our life with unnecessary things than we are distracted from the things that matter most to us, and to our family. 

I love this quote:

"I do not know of another period in the history of the world that has been so filled with such a variety of entangling nets. Our lives are so easily filled with appointments, meetings, and tasks. It is so easy to get caught in a multitude of nets that sometimes even a suggestion of breaking free of them can be threatening and even frightening to us.

Sometimes we feel that the busier we are, the more important we are—as though our busyness defines our worth. Brothers and sisters, we can spend a lifetime whirling about at a feverish pace, checking off list after list of things that in the end really don’t matter.

That we do a lot may not be so important. That we focus the energy of our minds, our hearts, and our souls on those things of eternal significance—that is essential." (Follow Me, Joseph B. Wirthlin, April 2002).

Here are some other great quotes: 

"Remember, too much of anything in life can throw us off-balance.  At the same time, too little of the important things can do the same thing.  King Benjamin counseled 'that all these things are done in wisdom and order' (Mosiah 4:27)." (Keeping Life's Demands in Balance,  M. Russell Ballard, April Conference 1987)

  "We will move faster if we hurry less.” (Spencer W. Kimball, “Let Us Move Forward and Upward,” Ensign, May 1979, 83.)

“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." (Ezra Taft Benson, "The Great Commandment--Love the Lord," Ensign, May 1988)

 So evaluate your family life and priorities, don't feel like you have to do it all or be busy all the time and remember most of all, that when God is first all other things will fall into place.

Optimist's Day

My friends and I have always considered ourselves optimists. Our Freshman year in high school we decided there needed to be a day dedicated to celebrating optimism. So, one of the last days of the school year we dubbed optimists day, ice cream was bought, and a tradition began.

Contrary to what some may think (...or tease, like my husband), optimism is not just saying the word "positive". For those who may not understand the idea, here is what optimism is and is not:

SITUATION: You go to make your favorite dinner and realize that one of the main ingredients is missing. You make due and substitute it with something else that gives it a completely new flavor.

NOT OPTIMISTIC: I'm positive that this dinner will be disgusting.

OPTIMISTIC: It's a good thing we were out of that ingredient, because now we get to try a whole new recipe! Who knows, maybe it will be better than the original!

We all have our own trials throughout life. I have found that life is much happier when we find the GOOD in each situation. The last couple years Austin and I have been given the trial of not yet being blessed with children. But we have also been blessed to be able to see the good that has come from this trial.

In honor of optimists day, here are a few things we have been blessed with and are optimistic about with our trial.
(some may not make sense, but trust me, they're related)


-I learned how to use a wheat grinder

-I learned how to make wheat bread

-We are learning how to eat healthier

-I've been more active and a better eater than ever before in my life

-We've had GREAT opportunities to serve those around us

-We have made wonderful trips, and memories with family and friends that may have not been possible with a larger family

-We have bonded with other families and couples that share our trial

-We have had time to build our relationship and had together that may not have been possible.

-We have had the opportunity to save for the day we need a little extra money, aka when there's an extra mouth to feed

-We have learned to be more patient
(and when I say WE, I mean ME, because Austin is already patient enough for the both of us)

-We have learned to more fully rely on the Lord and wait for HIS will to be done


President Gordon B. Hinckley was one of the most optimistic people I know.
He shared this about optimism:
"We have every reason to be optimistic in this world. Tragedy is around, yes. Problems everywhere, yes. … You can’t, you don’t, build out of pessimism or cynicism. You look with optimism, work with faith, and things happen...Do not despair. Do not give up. Look for the sunlight through the clouds...I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we accentuate the positive. I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good...that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears."
Gordon B. Hinckley, “Words of the Prophet: The Spirit of Optimism,” New Era, Jul 2001, 4

So, go enjoy optimists day with a big bowl of ice cream (in traditional celebratory fashion) and BE OPTIMISTIC!

Guidelines Show Love

My cousin posted this on her blog the other day. I thought it was a very insightful observation about how we need to parent our children. Nowadays many parents would rather be their child's friend than their disciplinarian. I think you will agree that as we try to be their friend, there is often a lack in guidelines and children often end up being wild.

Here are her thoughts:

The parable of the coloring page.
Last Sunday I received some interesting insight while watching Dallin color during church. Here's how it went:

Dallin was coloring in church. He had no coloring pages, so he compensated by coloring pictures I'd drawn for him months ago. He tried very hard to stay within the lines! When he was given a blank page and a crayon, he scribbled wildly on the page. Just like how Dallin tried to carefully color in the lines I had given him, he will need spiritual lines to stay in as he grows and learns. Without those boundaries, he is loud, wild, and without a guide to stay within the area he needs to be. It is our responsibility as parents to provide those lines and boundaries for him and to help him and guide his hand. Some will say they should be free to color outside the lines and that boundaries restrict their freedom. This isn't so. While we are told to stay in between the lines we aren't told what colors to use. We can make the picture how we want it.

And may I add that as we give our children the proper guidelines to have a happy and successful life, it is one way that we show them how much we love them.

"...babies don't keep"

I understand being a mother and a parent can be hard. But being a parent is also one of the most rewarding thing you can do on this earth. I've heard so many friends, acquaintances, and strangers complain about motherhood and parenting lately. It makes me so sad because there are so many people out there who would LOVE to be a parent. They would gladly put up with the diapers, and the late nights, and the whining, even the changes in their body to have the joy of loving and guiding a child of their own. I know that when they are small it's hard to see the end, but just remember: even though you can't see it, there is an end, and it will come sooner than you can ever expect. So think about these wise words from my dear sister.

I just can't believe how fast my baby is growing up! It seems that each child grows up faster than the last one. As a young girl I can remember wanting to know what my youngest sister would be like and look like when she was older. And I can also remember my mom telling us that it would happen soon enough and not to wish for her to grow up too fast. Now I understand. I just love my babies. It seems that only yesterday it was William pulling himself up on things--and now he's off to school and birthday parties and primary activities!Seeing them grow so fast reminds me of the poem that hung in our home growing up:

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow
For babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow
So quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

So... if you stop by and my house is a mess just know that it's because I'm enjoying my babies before they grow up!

Be on the Same Team

Today's Post is by a dear friend of mine who also studied Marriage Family and Human Development at Brigham Young University. Here's what she has to say about being on the same team:

For Christmas Chad's parents gave us the game Stratego and last night I played it for the first time. Chad really liked the game growing up so he's pretty good at it and I, of course, lost miserably. I've always known that I am competitive but recently I've discovered that I am selectively competitive.
If I'm playing a game that I think I'm good at and really should win, I can get pretty vicious. Luckily for Chad, I didn't really mind losing last night so no blood was shed (although, the fact that Chad was able to win using his weakest player was pretty embarrassing).
My question for the day is... where do you think we get our competitive drive? Our parents? Experiences where we lost and vowed never to let it happen again? I don't remember my parents ever pushing us really hard to win anything so I'm not sure that's it. I guess Dad is pretty competitive so he didn't really have to say anything, we just caught on.
If there's anything I learned from being married and watching my siblings in their marriages... its always less contentious if you and your spouse are on the same team. Wouldn't you all agree?

To expound on what she said:

It is so crucial that we are on the same team as a couple. I don't know of any prominent marriage or parenting expert that doesn't encourage a couple to be have as much in common as possible BEFORE they get married. This is why we are encouraged to have the same religion, education, culture, financial beliefs etc. (I know one marriage expert that goes as far as encouraging people to have in common what temperature they prefer in a room.)

When we have these things in common we are more likely to agree on important matters when they arise and it makes it much easier to be on the same team. When it comes to parenting we need to support each other's decisions to discipline or praise our children. Children are confused when don't agree on matters.

To me, being on the same team is another way of saying, "being one". Just as Heavenly Father and Christ are one, so should we be in our marriage (Genesis 2:22-24). Our children should be able to go to each parent with the same question and expect the same answer. The Lord wants us to be on the same side because he wants us to become one. In the book Strengthening our Families, we read that, "In marriage, God intends to create a new spiritual and physical relationship marked by the words 'one flesh'". This should be our goal in marriage. It's not a competition, we are not enemies. In fact, it is just the opposite. We are teammates because the Lord, in his perfect plan, wants us to be on the same team.

Effects of Pornography

During the month of October I had the opportunity to attend "Time Out For Women" with my mom and a couple aunts. It was a wonderful opportunity and while we were there I heard from a great speaker. Her name was Dr. Jill C. Manning. It was a unique topic for a women's conference, but very necessary in the times we live in.

You see, Dr. Manning is a Marriage and Family Therapist that specializes on the negative effects of pornography. We've heard for a few years now from prophets and apostles warning of the dangers of this evil practice. Dr. Manning really put into perspective how harmful this can be to women and families, and more importantly, how to protect our families from it.

She had wonderful resources. I would encourage you to visit here website here and see what you can do NOW to protect YOUR family.

This topic also made me realize how important it is to listen to our apostles and prophets. How many times do they provide counsel and within a few years we see those things come to pass? May we have a newfound desire to turn to the Lord and his leaders to guide and protect our families.