Simplifying parenthood (and life)

I saw someone post an article on facebook today titled: "5 Ways We're Making Parenting harder".  I was curious to see if there was any truth to this article so I opened it up to read.  The author had some good thoughts to share.  If you want to read the whole article you can find it here:

http://wellcommons.com/weblogs/larryvillemom/2013/aug/21/5-ways-were-making-parenting-harder/ (but be warned, there is some language)

These are the 5 points she makes and my thoughts on the matter:

1- Birthday Parties

2- Elf on the Shelf

3- Organic Everything

4- Kid's Sports

5- Pinterest

To me points 1, 2 and 4 are things that are unnecessary uses of our time.  Don't get me wrong, parties are fun and Christmas traditions are great.  Sports teams can teach wonderful things to our children, but how much time are we spending on each of those activities.   Just because someone we know does it, doesn't mean we need to also.  And if we do have a fun party planned, enroll our child in sports or decide to do a fun Christmas tradition, it doesn't have to be an activity that consumes our day or life.

Point number 5 goes along with the above.  I know that I can't think of every good way to clean my house, organize my closets, cook a great meal or teach my children.  I'm grateful for those that are willing to share their ideas, but if I'm spending an unreasonable amount of time looking about these ideas, or ideas that I would NEVER actually put into action, then Pinterest is a waste of my time and I should stop or cut back.

The 3rd point is unnecessary worry.  I think that we should try to give our children the best possible life.  And if that life includes healthier food to eat, then I should do my best to give it to them.  But if I can't afford to feed my family all organic food, or buy organic clothes, then I shouldn't.  Maybe I can pick out those things that will have the greatest benefit to my family, such as the dirty dozen, and not worry about the rest.

I believe that one of Satan's tools is distraction.  When we fill our life with unnecessary things than we are distracted from the things that matter most to us, and to our family. 

I love this quote:

"I do not know of another period in the history of the world that has been so filled with such a variety of entangling nets. Our lives are so easily filled with appointments, meetings, and tasks. It is so easy to get caught in a multitude of nets that sometimes even a suggestion of breaking free of them can be threatening and even frightening to us.

Sometimes we feel that the busier we are, the more important we are—as though our busyness defines our worth. Brothers and sisters, we can spend a lifetime whirling about at a feverish pace, checking off list after list of things that in the end really don’t matter.

That we do a lot may not be so important. That we focus the energy of our minds, our hearts, and our souls on those things of eternal significance—that is essential." (Follow Me, Joseph B. Wirthlin, April 2002).

Here are some other great quotes: 

"Remember, too much of anything in life can throw us off-balance.  At the same time, too little of the important things can do the same thing.  King Benjamin counseled 'that all these things are done in wisdom and order' (Mosiah 4:27)." (Keeping Life's Demands in Balance,  M. Russell Ballard, April Conference 1987)

  "We will move faster if we hurry less.” (Spencer W. Kimball, “Let Us Move Forward and Upward,” Ensign, May 1979, 83.)

“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." (Ezra Taft Benson, "The Great Commandment--Love the Lord," Ensign, May 1988)

 So evaluate your family life and priorities, don't feel like you have to do it all or be busy all the time and remember most of all, that when God is first all other things will fall into place.

Weddings and Marriages

When my husband and I decided to get married he was surprised that I didn't have the typical "young girl wedding fantasy". He insisted I have my dream wedding, but to be honest I hadn't spent much time dreaming about any aspect of a wedding. I focused more of my time on my dream marriage.

I can remember as a child my parents expressing that the wedding celebration wasn't nearly as important as where we were married (we believe in being sealed together for eternity in temples) and who we married. I'm grateful my parents instilled such an important concept at such a young age.

I was thinking about this today as I reflected on seeing highlights on TV from a celebrity wedding. It was very clear how important the wedding (flowers, color schemes, pre and post celebrations, guests etc.) was to this young girl and her mother. I started thinking about how little the groom was mentioned and it was almost as if he wasn't important.

This brought on a whole slew of thoughts. I remember a few years back hearing a story about an organist that was approached by a young girl to play at her wedding. As the girl expressed the song she wished to be played as she walked down the aisle, the organist asked if she wanted a more traditional song. The girls reply was, "No, I'm going to save that for my second wedding".

The organist was so shocked that this girl was planning on her first marriage failing from the beginning.  The organist refused to play at the wedding.

(I was just as shocked to hear this story and I quite agree with her response).

A couple years ago I worked with a great lady who was a single mom at the time. Her story of single parenthood was sad. She married her high school sweetheart not too long after they graduated high school with an elaborate wedding (that they may have even gone into debt for). They went away to college and got pregnant.  When they moved back to their home city just shortly after finding out they were pregnant her husband decided that he had enough of the married life and wanted to be wild and free, leaving my friend pregnant and alone. She expressed to me how much she regretted having such an elaborate wedding because she now realized that it wasn't important. This great lady wanted to be married once again but decided that when she married it would be simple because she now knew what was important was the marriage, NOT the wedding. A couple years later she did remarry and I was fortunate enough to be present. It was a simple wedding with less than 2 dozen witnesses present and they are happily married.

So what is the point of all this? Are weddings necessary? YES! The promises and covenants we make to one another are sacred and important.

Is having a wedding celebration necessary? It's nice to allow those we love to celebrate and joy in such an important step in our lives. Do we need to spend lots of money on this event? NO!

What is MOST IMPORTANT is who we marry and the commitment we are making to one another. Don't get caught up in the fantasy of a wedding. Dream about and work hard on the reality of a happy lasting, even eternal, MARRIAGE!

Love and Commitment

I just love this lady. I think about this post often.

Wes and Lori are perhaps the best example of a couple in love. The sacrifice for each other and always put the other first. Take a couple minutes and read what Lori has to say about Love and Commitment.

"Every Tuesday I attend a class taught by a licenced and practicing psychologist. Topics range from depression to academic success, and our discussions are generally very thought-provoking and insightful.

A couple weeks ago, our topic regarded, in part, the challenges inherent in choice. Our teacher cited a study that was so interesting to me. Will you play along for a moment?

It was a home decor experiment on its face: participants were divided into two groups and given the chance to choose a poster or piece of artwork from a large selection. Members of Group 1 were asked to make their selection with the assurance that they could return and make exchanges at will. They could trade their picture at any time. Members of Group 2, however, were asked to make their choice with the understanding that their decision would be final. They could keep the art - no charge - but they could not trade.

After a time, participants in the study were surveyed to determine which individuals were more satisfied with their choices- the ones who could exchange or the ones who could not.

What would you guess?

Many members of our class were surprised to discover higher rates of satisfaction among participants who were not allowed to exchange their choice.

The reason?
Comparison.
The participants who were invited to trade their artwork at will were constantly comparing - constantly wondering if they couldn't find something a little better, while those who could not trade were content.

Fascinating, isn't it?
I've thought a lot about that concept in relation to relationships - about how our satisfaction and love truly increase when we commit and stop comparing.

I experienced that increase seven and a half years ago. On July 12, 2002, Wes asked me to marry him. Our engagement wasn't a surprise. We were in LOVE. We'd been talking about getting married for over a month. But something did surprise me: the feelings I had for Wes when I woke up on July 13th were not the same feelings I'd had through our courtship. The love I felt on the morning of July 13th was markedly different. It had increased exponentially. Overnight. I wrote in my journal something like: "It's amazing how much commitment increases love."

It is amazing. And real. But only when the commitment is real, and when we allow it to limit other options.

When Wes was a little boy he heard about a divorce in a friend's family at school and later brought up the subject with his parents. He has never forgotten their reassuring response: "Divorce is not an option for us." That was all he needed to hear. He hasn't worried about their marriage since.

He shared that impactful memory with me before we were engaged and I knew that I wanted my own marriage to be couched in that kind of commitment. (I'm not saying that divorce isn't sometimes necessary. But I don't believe it is often necessary.) Because isn't there power in that kind of commitment? The kind that says, "I choose you. For keeps. Forever." Isn't there power in the kind of commitment that ceases searching for a someone or a something that might be better? Isn't there power in the kind of commitment that gives all and not part?

We've found that there is power in that kind of commitment. Power and satisfaction, and security. That kind of commitment - devoid of comparison, full of contentment -is what makes marriage "more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive." (Spencer W. Kimball). And in this modern world of overwhelming options, we wish we could shout:

Don't be afraid to choose! Don't be afraid to commit! Don't be afraid to love.

Marriage is worth it.
Trust us."

Never Be Ashamed of Your Role as Mother

In October of 2005, Sister Bonnie D. Parkin, then the R.S. General President, gave a talk entitled "Sweet Moments". In this talk she told a story to illustrate the importance of being a mother.

"Sometimes that love comes in unexpected ways. Kristen was finishing a graduate degree and had recently given birth to her second child. She felt the other graduates had accomplished so much more and was reluctant to attend the graduation dinner. Her fears were confirmed when, at the dinner, the students were asked to list their professional accomplishments. Kristen recalled: 'I suddenly felt embarrassed and ashamed. I had nothing to call myself, no lofty position, no impressive job title.' To make matters worse, the professor read the lists as he presented a diploma to each student. The woman ahead of Kristen had many accomplishments: she already had a PhD, was receiving a second master’s degree, and she’d even been a mayor! The woman received grand applause.

"Then it was Kristen’s turn. She handed the professor her blank sheet, trying to hold back the tears. The professor had been one of her teachers and had praised her performance. He looked at her blank paper. Without missing a beat he announced, 'Kristen holds the most critical role in all of society.' He was quiet for a few seconds, then declared in a powerful voice, 'She is the mother of her children.' Instead of a few courteous claps, people rose to their feet. There was just one standing ovation that night; it was for the mother in the room.

"Mothers, you are instruments in God’s hands, with a divine responsibility to teach and nurture your children. Little ones so need your kind and loving hand. As you put them first, He will direct you how to best serve them."

Motherhood is not an easy job. It is often unrecognized by mortals, but our Father in heaven knows our efforts and has not forgotten us. He will guide us as we seek to teach his children in righteousness and there is no better thing we can do on this earth.

Make the Lord #1 in Your Life

It is only when we make our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ the number one priority in our lives, that everything else works out. Including our relationship with spouse and other family member.

Matthew 10:37

He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.

I know that as I have put the Lord first, including reading the scriptures and praying daily, I have had the spirit with me to know what I can do to make my family relationships strong.

I know as YOU follow that Lord and put Him first in your life, he will bless you and help you have joy and happiness in your life and relationships.