Weddings and Marriages

When my husband and I decided to get married he was surprised that I didn't have the typical "young girl wedding fantasy". He insisted I have my dream wedding, but to be honest I hadn't spent much time dreaming about any aspect of a wedding. I focused more of my time on my dream marriage.

I can remember as a child my parents expressing that the wedding celebration wasn't nearly as important as where we were married (we believe in being sealed together for eternity in temples) and who we married. I'm grateful my parents instilled such an important concept at such a young age.

I was thinking about this today as I reflected on seeing highlights on TV from a celebrity wedding. It was very clear how important the wedding (flowers, color schemes, pre and post celebrations, guests etc.) was to this young girl and her mother. I started thinking about how little the groom was mentioned and it was almost as if he wasn't important.

This brought on a whole slew of thoughts. I remember a few years back hearing a story about an organist that was approached by a young girl to play at her wedding. As the girl expressed the song she wished to be played as she walked down the aisle, the organist asked if she wanted a more traditional song. The girls reply was, "No, I'm going to save that for my second wedding".

The organist was so shocked that this girl was planning on her first marriage failing from the beginning.  The organist refused to play at the wedding.

(I was just as shocked to hear this story and I quite agree with her response).

A couple years ago I worked with a great lady who was a single mom at the time. Her story of single parenthood was sad. She married her high school sweetheart not too long after they graduated high school with an elaborate wedding (that they may have even gone into debt for). They went away to college and got pregnant.  When they moved back to their home city just shortly after finding out they were pregnant her husband decided that he had enough of the married life and wanted to be wild and free, leaving my friend pregnant and alone. She expressed to me how much she regretted having such an elaborate wedding because she now realized that it wasn't important. This great lady wanted to be married once again but decided that when she married it would be simple because she now knew what was important was the marriage, NOT the wedding. A couple years later she did remarry and I was fortunate enough to be present. It was a simple wedding with less than 2 dozen witnesses present and they are happily married.

So what is the point of all this? Are weddings necessary? YES! The promises and covenants we make to one another are sacred and important.

Is having a wedding celebration necessary? It's nice to allow those we love to celebrate and joy in such an important step in our lives. Do we need to spend lots of money on this event? NO!

What is MOST IMPORTANT is who we marry and the commitment we are making to one another. Don't get caught up in the fantasy of a wedding. Dream about and work hard on the reality of a happy lasting, even eternal, MARRIAGE!

A Team

My good friend wrote this the other day on her blog. Love this girl.

"Go team!" That's what Kendall said when he saw me sitting on the floor of the law library this afternoon. I was there reading while Luke studied in his carrel next to me. Luke made it successfully through his first week of practice court; he's been working so hard. Read, eat, sleep. That's all. And not much of the eating and sleeping, really. But he's handling it so well, and I know he's going to keep doing that.Kendall looked a Luke's PC stuff (binders full of cases to be read and boxes full of more cases), asked a few questions about how he had it organized, and mentioned that his wife was going to help him get his in order. I liked that he said that, and I tried to imagine a world in which Luke would need my help with that kind of thing. Unimaginable.There are a lot of things that Luke will never need my help with; he's one of the most capable people that I have ever met. In a side-by-side comparison, he'd come out ahead of me a million times over. His strength, stability, and independence are some of the things that I love the most about him. But no matter how much I value those traits (and I do - very very much), being around someone like that that can make it easy for a girl to feel awfully small sometimes.But I'm learning something important: that there are a lot of ways to need someone. Even though Luke will never need my help with most things, and he doesn't need me in the way that I'm used to being needed, he still chooses me. Because he loves me and wants me and needs me in a different way.I liked it when Kendal called us a team, because after all of the mess this summer, I feel like a real team member again now that Luke is back. I feel like I can love and support him the way I want to--in the way that he needs me to. And I like being a part of a team.

What a great reminder that we need to support each other in our righteous desires and efforts and work together as a TEAM to succeed!

Share the Burden

Another Movie Review
I just finished watching the movie:
The Young Victoria
Aside from being a great historical fiction movie
It was a great lesson on relationships, marriage and love.

Since I am not a historian and do not know the actual details of these events, I will be commenting strictly on the events that took place in the movie.

Her good husband, Prince Albert, reminded me of my own husband. Patient, kind, understanding, wise, loving, gentle...and the list goes on and on.

I enjoyed two lessons in particular that we can gain from this story.

The first, is that we need to accept support from our spouse.

We are in it ALL together!

No matter what it is. If he's in school, or you have a difficult job...not mater what, we should be there to support and accept support from each other.

I love the picture above. Victoria is leaning on Albert. Allow him to take away some of her pressure and burden. Marriage is not about one spouse leading the other, but going through life together!

Victoria had a heavy responsibility. Albert was ready and willing to help and support her. She was so reluctant to accept his help, but by allowing her husband to support her she allowed their relationship to grow, respect to increase and the overall one-ness and happiness to blossom in their marriage.

The second lesson I enjoyed learning is to appreciate our spouse.

What a wonderful loving and supportive husband Albert was. Victoria had moments of being very unkind, overly emotional and even hurtful, and yet he still loved her and even risked his life for her. What a wonderful example of commitment and true love.

So, tonight, evaluate the good things in your spouse and the strength of support in your marriage. Thank your spouse for the love and kindness they show to you and decide what you can do to support your spouse more and allow them to do the same.

Bright Star

If you want to see a really sappy movie, watch Bright Star.

Everyone should feel this way about their spouse.

"My love has made me selfish. I cannot exist without you — I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again — my Life seems to stop there — I see no further. You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was dissolving — I should be exquisitely miserable without the hope of soon seeing you. [...] I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion — I have shudder'd at it — I shudder no more — I could be martyr'd for my Religion — Love is my religion — I could die for that — I could die for you."

(Letter, 13 October 1819).

The Butter to Each Other's Bread

I am absolutely obsessed with marital relationships. I'm not sure why, but everything I watch, everything I hear, everything I do, I relate to marriages and relationships...and I love it!

Today I finished watching Julie and Julia. I heard it was a good flick, so I popped it on. And you know what? I loved it! Not because it was about cooking, or about women, but because it was about amazingly supportive husbands and wonderful marriages.

These women, found themselves in a funk. No children, they didn't enjoy what they were currently doing with their life, so they DID something! They learned! And what did their husbands do? Supported them. Every step of the way. Through meltdowns, through setbacks, through heart aches. How sweet and tender is that?!

My own husband has been a wonderful support to me. When we were first married I still had some schooling to finish up. He finished his job and teaching early morning seminary before he planned to, and we moved to Utah for the summer so I could finish some classes. Then, over the next year, he supported me more as I worked hard to work full time AND complete the rest of my schooling. He would cook dinner, do the dishes, wash the laundry, and comfort & encourage me when I wanted to quit. Now its MY turn to support HIM while he completes the dental school.

I am not saying that a good husband should support his wife in whatever she wants to do. But I AM saying that a spouse should support their spouse in worthy goals. That means it goes both ways. Sometimes you will support your spouse, and other times in your marriage they will support you (or it maybe occur simultaneously).

But happiness in marriage will occur as we support, love, and care for each other.

To quote the movie:

May you and your spouse always be "the butter to [each other's] bread" as you support each other through life!

Optimism in Marriage

Dictionary.com defines Optimism as:
op·ti·mism –noun
1. a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome.

I believe that we are always happier when we are optimistic. Therefore, if we wish to be happy in our marriage, we should be optimistic in our marriage. We should "look on the more favorable side of events". This means we see our spouse's strengths, not their weaknesses. We see the good and nice things they do for us and others, not the bad or annoying.

(This does not, however, mean that we overlook wrong. If a spouse or family member is abusive, breaking the law, or breaking a commandment it is Not okay!)

Its the little things though. Have you ever heard the phrase: go into marriage with your eyes wide open and through marriage with your eyes half shut.

This means that before you get married you should know your spouse well enough that we see some of their weaknesses. When you get married you don't expect that they will change, or think that YOU can change them. It means you accept them for who they are, decide that you can see past those weaknesses, and love them for all the GOOD that is inside of them and that they are.

President Gordon B. Hinckley was one of the most optimistic people I know.
He shared this about optimism:
"We have every reason to be optimistic in this world. Tragedy is around, yes. Problems everywhere, yes. … [but] you [can] look with optimism, work with faith, and things happen...I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we accentuate the positive. I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good...that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears."
Gordon B. Hinckley, “Words of the Prophet: The Spirit of Optimism,” New Era, Jul 2001, 4

YES! Let us more fully enjoy that sunshine in our marriages. The happiness and joy we experience with our spouse. Let us see the good, and work together to help each other become better!

Optimist's Day

My friends and I have always considered ourselves optimists. Our Freshman year in high school we decided there needed to be a day dedicated to celebrating optimism. So, one of the last days of the school year we dubbed optimists day, ice cream was bought, and a tradition began.

Contrary to what some may think (...or tease, like my husband), optimism is not just saying the word "positive". For those who may not understand the idea, here is what optimism is and is not:

SITUATION: You go to make your favorite dinner and realize that one of the main ingredients is missing. You make due and substitute it with something else that gives it a completely new flavor.

NOT OPTIMISTIC: I'm positive that this dinner will be disgusting.

OPTIMISTIC: It's a good thing we were out of that ingredient, because now we get to try a whole new recipe! Who knows, maybe it will be better than the original!

We all have our own trials throughout life. I have found that life is much happier when we find the GOOD in each situation. The last couple years Austin and I have been given the trial of not yet being blessed with children. But we have also been blessed to be able to see the good that has come from this trial.

In honor of optimists day, here are a few things we have been blessed with and are optimistic about with our trial.
(some may not make sense, but trust me, they're related)


-I learned how to use a wheat grinder

-I learned how to make wheat bread

-We are learning how to eat healthier

-I've been more active and a better eater than ever before in my life

-We've had GREAT opportunities to serve those around us

-We have made wonderful trips, and memories with family and friends that may have not been possible with a larger family

-We have bonded with other families and couples that share our trial

-We have had time to build our relationship and had together that may not have been possible.

-We have had the opportunity to save for the day we need a little extra money, aka when there's an extra mouth to feed

-We have learned to be more patient
(and when I say WE, I mean ME, because Austin is already patient enough for the both of us)

-We have learned to more fully rely on the Lord and wait for HIS will to be done


President Gordon B. Hinckley was one of the most optimistic people I know.
He shared this about optimism:
"We have every reason to be optimistic in this world. Tragedy is around, yes. Problems everywhere, yes. … You can’t, you don’t, build out of pessimism or cynicism. You look with optimism, work with faith, and things happen...Do not despair. Do not give up. Look for the sunlight through the clouds...I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we accentuate the positive. I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good...that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears."
Gordon B. Hinckley, “Words of the Prophet: The Spirit of Optimism,” New Era, Jul 2001, 4

So, go enjoy optimists day with a big bowl of ice cream (in traditional celebratory fashion) and BE OPTIMISTIC!