Putting Marriage First

I saw a great article today that talked about how the Prime Minister of Canada has chosen to take a day off from his tour in Japan to celebrate his wedding anniversary.

It also goes on to talk about how there seems to be a new generation of men that are choosing to put their spouses first.

I sure hope that's true because its one thing the world desperately needs (spouses putting each other first).


You can read the article here.

Simplifying parenthood (and life)

I saw someone post an article on facebook today titled: "5 Ways We're Making Parenting harder".  I was curious to see if there was any truth to this article so I opened it up to read.  The author had some good thoughts to share.  If you want to read the whole article you can find it here:

http://wellcommons.com/weblogs/larryvillemom/2013/aug/21/5-ways-were-making-parenting-harder/ (but be warned, there is some language)

These are the 5 points she makes and my thoughts on the matter:

1- Birthday Parties

2- Elf on the Shelf

3- Organic Everything

4- Kid's Sports

5- Pinterest

To me points 1, 2 and 4 are things that are unnecessary uses of our time.  Don't get me wrong, parties are fun and Christmas traditions are great.  Sports teams can teach wonderful things to our children, but how much time are we spending on each of those activities.   Just because someone we know does it, doesn't mean we need to also.  And if we do have a fun party planned, enroll our child in sports or decide to do a fun Christmas tradition, it doesn't have to be an activity that consumes our day or life.

Point number 5 goes along with the above.  I know that I can't think of every good way to clean my house, organize my closets, cook a great meal or teach my children.  I'm grateful for those that are willing to share their ideas, but if I'm spending an unreasonable amount of time looking about these ideas, or ideas that I would NEVER actually put into action, then Pinterest is a waste of my time and I should stop or cut back.

The 3rd point is unnecessary worry.  I think that we should try to give our children the best possible life.  And if that life includes healthier food to eat, then I should do my best to give it to them.  But if I can't afford to feed my family all organic food, or buy organic clothes, then I shouldn't.  Maybe I can pick out those things that will have the greatest benefit to my family, such as the dirty dozen, and not worry about the rest.

I believe that one of Satan's tools is distraction.  When we fill our life with unnecessary things than we are distracted from the things that matter most to us, and to our family. 

I love this quote:

"I do not know of another period in the history of the world that has been so filled with such a variety of entangling nets. Our lives are so easily filled with appointments, meetings, and tasks. It is so easy to get caught in a multitude of nets that sometimes even a suggestion of breaking free of them can be threatening and even frightening to us.

Sometimes we feel that the busier we are, the more important we are—as though our busyness defines our worth. Brothers and sisters, we can spend a lifetime whirling about at a feverish pace, checking off list after list of things that in the end really don’t matter.

That we do a lot may not be so important. That we focus the energy of our minds, our hearts, and our souls on those things of eternal significance—that is essential." (Follow Me, Joseph B. Wirthlin, April 2002).

Here are some other great quotes: 

"Remember, too much of anything in life can throw us off-balance.  At the same time, too little of the important things can do the same thing.  King Benjamin counseled 'that all these things are done in wisdom and order' (Mosiah 4:27)." (Keeping Life's Demands in Balance,  M. Russell Ballard, April Conference 1987)

  "We will move faster if we hurry less.” (Spencer W. Kimball, “Let Us Move Forward and Upward,” Ensign, May 1979, 83.)

“When we put God first, all other things fall into their proper place or drop out of our lives." (Ezra Taft Benson, "The Great Commandment--Love the Lord," Ensign, May 1988)

 So evaluate your family life and priorities, don't feel like you have to do it all or be busy all the time and remember most of all, that when God is first all other things will fall into place.

Being a Happy Wife (or Spouse)

Last year I came across a something a friend pinned on Pinterest.  It was about marriage and being the marriage advocate I am, I pinned it too.  I started following the links and found this GREAT site called Happy Wives Club. It was started by a woman, in a happy marriage, who was tired of hearing women complain about marriage and wanted to prove that you CAN be happy in marriage and that there are LOTS of happily married couples.  She spent time traveling all over the world interviewing happily married couples trying to find their secret and then wrote a book.  

For a few months I became a little engrossed with this Ladies work.  It was right after my second son was born and I would read her book while I nursed.  I signed up for her emails and I followed her blog.  

The thing that has stood out to me the most of successful marriages is that they CHOOSE to be happy.  Happiness is a choice and each of these happily married couples have made a conscious choice to be happy in their marriage.  

I could go on and on.  It makes me so happy that there are a group of people that have chosen to show the world that happiness in marriage is possible and lasting marriages DO happen.  You should check out it out!

Here's a taste of the types of things she posts on her site:

10 Resolutions for Your Marriage:

1. Forgive and Forget. 
This year, strive to forgive your spouse as soon as they apologize or ask for forgiveness. It’s easy to hold a grudge or to bring up past grievances, but letting these things go and forgiving your spouse can lead to a happier self and a happier marriage!

2. Spend More Time Together.
So many people are so busy, too busy. Life gets in the way and the important things in life tend to fall to the wayside. In 2015, resolute to spend more time with your spouse! Whether it be more date nights or more time at home together, I’m sure your spouse will appreciate having more of you in their life!

3. Put Your Spouse First.
In a day and age when there are so many things that scream for our attention, it’s important that our spouses feels like they are important in our lives. This year, determine to put your spouse above all the noise trying to attract your attention. Determine to put them first.

4. Seek God Together.
It’s sometimes easy to judge our spouse for the things they do, but learning to seek God together can help your relationship become stronger and help us learn to focus more on the things we need to fix in our own lives. Resolute in 2015 to seek God together and watch your relationship grow stronger together and in God!

5. Cultivate Common Interests.
It’s easy to do things that interest you personally, but why not learn some new hobbies with your spouse? This year, find some common interests that both you and your spouse would enjoy, and do them often! What better way to have fun with your spouse and learn more about them?

6. Work Toward Conflict Resolution.
No marriage is perfect, but a peaceful marriage is one to strive for! Let 2015 be the year you work toward healthy conflict resolution. Learn better strategies for your marriage and learn how to discuss things peacefully with your spouse. Strive toward healthy communication!

7.  Keep the Passion Alive.
Maybe your marriage has gotten a little boring, you do the same things every day and nothing seems fun or out of the ordinary. Let 2015 be the year you change all that! Determine to keep the passion alive and help things get steamy instead of boring. You will both be thankful you did!

8. Flirt more!
Who doesn’t like to flirt a little with their spouse? It’s fun and brings back the spice you might remember from your dating years! This year, resolute to flirt more with your spouse. There are so many fun ways to flirt, and your spouse just might be surprised and happy that you started it!

9. Say, “I love you” every day.
A lot times it’s easy to assume that our spouse  knows we love them. But there are so many different ways to say and show that you love them. This year, don’t let a day go by without saying it. Resolute to say, “I love you” in a special way every day.

10. Communicate Appreciation.
So many people feel under appreciated because their spouse doesn’t take the time to communicate appreciation for them and what they do. Don’t let another year go by without telling your spouse how much you appreciate them. Resolute to communicate appreciation as much as possible!

Supoorting your spouse

Maybe this is old fashioned, but I grew up being taught that you go where your husband leads your family. 
My mother grew up her entire life in the same city.  College was her first experience living outside of the state she grew up in.  When she married my dad she was aware that he had an obligation to the US Army (through a college military scholarship).  Although he was only in the military for four years, that was the beginning of many moves for my parents. 
My dad grew up with a military father, was acustomed to moving and, I think, enjoyed it.

I was always impressed with how my mother supported my father in each endevor that led our family to another move. 

When my husband and I were dating, he asked me one night where my ideal place to live would be. I had never really thought about it because I had made up in my mind that where ever my husband was would be my ideal place to live.  You see, I had always dreamed of being a mother.  Staying home with my children and nurturing them.  In college I developed dreams of becoming a Marrige and Family Therapist or counselor, but my first dream was to be a mother.  I had many examples around me of great women who were mothers to their children and once they were grown, went on to develop careers and influence others around them.  Since my first dream was to be home with my children, I knew my husband would have to work hard in order to provide enough for me to not work.  Because this would require sacrifices on his part, I figured the least I could do is support him in whatever he did or where ever he worked in order to provide for us.

Towards the end of my husband's second year in dental school he began talking about having an interest in Oral Surgery.  He spoke very casually about the interest but I began to prepare myself for the possibility.  I knew it would be difficult and I knew it would take our family far from what we were used to (both of us being native to the west coast and the majority of OMS programs being located on the east coast).  But thanks to the great examples my parents were, it wasn't difficult for me.  Instead of deciding IF I would be willing to move across the country, I began making a mental list of all the good I could find from it. 

I've been thinking lately about individuals in my life.  I've been surprised by some of them and their seemingly unwillingness to support their spouse.  I have witnessed a couple where the husband suffered through a job he hated for over thirty years in order to provide a extremely comfortable life for his family in the present and in the future.  His one dream requires a time commitment and a temporary move for him and his spouse.  However, his spouse doesn't seem to be completey on board.  Instead she is worried about what SHE wants.  It baffles me...

I understand that every family situation is different, and the family dynamics my husband and I have are not the right thing for every family, but whatever our family situation is, we are here to love and care for one another.  Part of that means supporting each other and encouraging each other to do good things, even if it means sacrifice on our end.

Getting Married the right way

This morning I saw a friend had shared this article on Facebook.

I don't usually read articles friends post, but this one was about marriage so I had to read it.

And I'm so glad I did.  Being raised LDS I was always taught the right and best thing to do was to wait "until the wedding night" but it seems like it is increasingly a peculiar thing to do.  I love hearing about good people, especially not of my faith, that are continuing to do the right thing (because it is RIGHT, not an opinion). 

It gives me hope. 

So please take a couple minutes to read this article and share it with those you know (especially youth!)

 

Waiting till the wedding night – getting married the right way

By Steven Crowder

Published September 14, 2012

FoxNews.com

 

As anyone who’s read my abstinence column here at Fox News Opinion could guess, my wedding is something that I’ve looked forward to for quite some time. After having tied the knot at the end of August, I can now say beyond all shadow of a doubt, that it was everything I’d hoped and prayed that it would be since childhood. (I’d also prayed to be bitten by a radioactive spider and develop sticky hands, but… I was an idiot.)
Let me preface this column by saying this: my wife (I have to get used to saying that) and I not only waited sexually in every way (no, we didn’t pull the Bill Clinton and technically avoid “sex” sex,) but we didn’t shack up as live-ins and most importantly, we courted each other in a way that was consistent with our publicly professed values.
We did it right.
 Feeling judged? I couldn’t care less. You know why? Because my wife and I were judged all throughout our relationship. People laughed, scoffed and poked fun at the young, celibate, naive Christian couple.
We’d certainly never make it to the wedding without schtupping, and if we did, our “wedding night would be awkward and terrible,” they said.
Turns out that people couldn’t have been more wrong. Looking back, I think that the women saying those things felt like the floozies they ultimately were, and the men, with their fickle manhood tied to their pathetic sexual conquests, felt threatened.
I think it’s important to write this column not to gloat (though I’ll be glad to), but to speak up for all of the young couples that have also done things the right way. When people do marriage right, they don’t complain so much, and so their voices are silenced by the rabble of promiscuous charlatans, peddling their pathetic world view as “progressive.”
Our wedding was perfect. Our wedding night was nothing short of amazing. I write this on a plane heading into a tropical paradise with the most beautiful woman to have walked the planet earth. I know everybody says that their bride was the “most beautiful in the world.” They’re wrong. I win.
I’d like to tell you a story of our morning after, however. One that transpired into one of the most glaring epiphanies I’d ever had.
As my wife (again, still not used to that) and I ate breakfast at a local inn, we discussed how excited we were to start the rest of our lives together, how scary it was that everything was now so different. At the same time, we overheard the table next to us discussing their very own wedding from the night prior. What a coincidence!
“The thing is, nothing’s really changed,” the bride said.
Puzzled, my wife asked, “Did you get married last night too? So did we!”
“Congratulations!” the other dame said. “Yeah we did, just last night.”
“Where’s the groom?” my wife innocently… scratch that, naively asked.
“Oh, he’s sleeping. There was no way he was coming out with me this morning!” She paused and smirked. “Let’s just say that he’s got a lingering headache from a really good time last night.”
My heart sank. Firstly, that poor schmuck's “good time” was simply getting snookered. Not enjoying the company of close family and long-lost friends with a clear head and clean conscience, not staring in awe at his beautiful new wife, wanting to soak in every glimmer of her eyes as she shot him heart-racing looks from across the dance floor, not taking all of the cheesy pictures as they cut the cake, not even carrying her across that suite threshold as they nervously anticipated their “nightcap.” He probably won’t remember any of it. Instead, he got smashed. He was “that guy”… at his own freaking wedding.
Then I realized something. Our wedding was truly a once in a lifetime event. It was a God’s-honest celebration of two completely separate lives now becoming one. Physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually, everything that made us who we were individually was becoming what bonded us together. Our family traveled from far and wide to celebrate the decision of two young people to truly commit themselves to each other, and selflessly give themselves to one another in a way that they never had before that very night.
The people next to us that morning? Well, theirs was just one big party. And the morning after? Just another hangover.
Our “weddings” were the same event in name only. They know it, and we know it.
Do yours the right way. If you’re young and wondering whether you should wait, whether you should just give in, become a live-in harlot/mimbo and do it the world’s way. If you’re wondering whether all of the mocking, the ridicule, the incredible difficulty of saving yourself for your spouse is worth it, let me tell you without a doubt that it is. Your wedding can be the most memorable day and night of your life… or just another party.
Oops. Did I just make a “judgment?” You’re darn right I did.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2012/09/14/staying-celibate-before-marriage-was-best-thing-ive-ever-done/#ixzz277jMxWzt

Weddings and Marriages

When my husband and I decided to get married he was surprised that I didn't have the typical "young girl wedding fantasy". He insisted I have my dream wedding, but to be honest I hadn't spent much time dreaming about any aspect of a wedding. I focused more of my time on my dream marriage.

I can remember as a child my parents expressing that the wedding celebration wasn't nearly as important as where we were married (we believe in being sealed together for eternity in temples) and who we married. I'm grateful my parents instilled such an important concept at such a young age.

I was thinking about this today as I reflected on seeing highlights on TV from a celebrity wedding. It was very clear how important the wedding (flowers, color schemes, pre and post celebrations, guests etc.) was to this young girl and her mother. I started thinking about how little the groom was mentioned and it was almost as if he wasn't important.

This brought on a whole slew of thoughts. I remember a few years back hearing a story about an organist that was approached by a young girl to play at her wedding. As the girl expressed the song she wished to be played as she walked down the aisle, the organist asked if she wanted a more traditional song. The girls reply was, "No, I'm going to save that for my second wedding".

The organist was so shocked that this girl was planning on her first marriage failing from the beginning.  The organist refused to play at the wedding.

(I was just as shocked to hear this story and I quite agree with her response).

A couple years ago I worked with a great lady who was a single mom at the time. Her story of single parenthood was sad. She married her high school sweetheart not too long after they graduated high school with an elaborate wedding (that they may have even gone into debt for). They went away to college and got pregnant.  When they moved back to their home city just shortly after finding out they were pregnant her husband decided that he had enough of the married life and wanted to be wild and free, leaving my friend pregnant and alone. She expressed to me how much she regretted having such an elaborate wedding because she now realized that it wasn't important. This great lady wanted to be married once again but decided that when she married it would be simple because she now knew what was important was the marriage, NOT the wedding. A couple years later she did remarry and I was fortunate enough to be present. It was a simple wedding with less than 2 dozen witnesses present and they are happily married.

So what is the point of all this? Are weddings necessary? YES! The promises and covenants we make to one another are sacred and important.

Is having a wedding celebration necessary? It's nice to allow those we love to celebrate and joy in such an important step in our lives. Do we need to spend lots of money on this event? NO!

What is MOST IMPORTANT is who we marry and the commitment we are making to one another. Don't get caught up in the fantasy of a wedding. Dream about and work hard on the reality of a happy lasting, even eternal, MARRIAGE!

Marriage Contract

I saw this on a friend's blog (Ask Amy). The couple that actually came up with this contract are the parents of one of the greatest woman I know.

I think what they have put together is pretty wonderful and worth considering for every marriage.

Marriage ContractDee & DeAnna Packer
I commit total loyalty to Jesus Christ, His commandments, and you--realizing that marriage and the family are central to God’s Plan of Happiness. (The Family: A Proclamation to the World)

I understand that my fulfillment as a person does not ultimately depend upon any other person, including you. Though I commit myself to be one with you, I am in charge of my personal happiness. Proverbs 23:7

I accept you as a unique and separate person who is very different from me. I understand I need to deal with those differences in ways that are not critical or judgmental. You do not have to be a carbon copy of me.

· When we collide—because of our differences—I will negotiate with you, invite you to meet me half way rather than insisting you think, act, or believe my way. “Learn to listen, listen to learn”… "With all thy getting, get UNDERSTANDING." Proverbs 4: 7

· I will not relentlessly complain about you. If I am constantly unhappy, I will look inward for ways of changing me so I can feel better. Proverbs 21:19

When I do need changes, I will ask for them, using kind language (“Would you be willing…,” etc.). I will take responsibility for inviting rather than demanding changes from you.

· I will allow you to say no, and will also exercise that right when I do not feel good about giving what you’ve requested. However, instead of a flat “no,” I will make counter-proposals to try to find a solution that will meet your needs and mine. If I say yes to you, I will give what you want without resentment.

I recognize that when I get angry with you, it is because I am creating anger in myself. I realize, too, that I am responsible for expressing my anger in ways that are not destructive to you.

· No matter how angry or upset I get, I will never threaten to, or actually harm you or myself. If I tend to become harsh or abusive when I get angry, I will take immediate steps to learn how to avoid such behavior.

· I will not use anger, or sulking, or continuing to be hurt as methods of controlling you. Neither will I use criticism or pin pricks to pressure you to do what I want. I will not call the relationship into jeopardy if we quarrel by threatening to leave you or to end the relationship. “Church callings are temporary…family relationships are permanent.” Dallin H. Oaks Oct. 2005 (What is the difference between admonition and criticism? D&C 6:19)

I give highest priority to my loyalty to you. I will not reveal confidences you have shared with me without advance permission. I will not embarrass you by airing our differences or by drawing other people into our conflicts.

· I will not make you the brunt of jokes.

· I will not flirt or give ‘come-on’ signals to others that will humiliate you and undermine our relationship.

· I will put your needs before those of outsiders, and I will protect you from criticism by not complaining to these people.

When I am happy with you, I will tell the world. When I am unhappy with you, I will tell only you. If I genuinely need help, I will confide in someone who can give aid rather than someone who will just agree with me.

· I will consistently give you feedback concerning your positive qualities, actions and growth.

. I will keep my negative feedback to a minimum and my positive feedback to a maximum.

I will keep my body healthy and attractive. But, realizing that perfection is unrealistic, I give you, and myself, the right not to be a perfect “10.” I will also find challenges to keep myself mentally alert. D&C 89

I recognize I do not “own” or “possess” you. Because of this, I will refrain from using words like “allow” or “let” or “can’t” in reference to your activities. I ask that you extend the courtesy of coordinating your schedule with mine, but I do not expect you to ask permission to do the things you wish.

· I will not try to control or manipulate you with sex or money. I will share equal responsibility with you for planning our mutual finances and for making joint decisions about major expenditures.

· I place high value on our love and will be open to you sexually. If at times I may not feel available, I will tell you kindly and directly.

· I give you the right to “private” time—time to pursue individual interests, to enjoy solitude, or to do nothing. I will give you that time without complaint or penalty.

. I give high priority to creating “we” times that bond us together. I will often reach out to talk to you, to be affectionate, and to work and play side by side I will remember that truly, "two are better than one." Ecclesiastes 4:9

Love and Commitment

I just love this lady. I think about this post often.

Wes and Lori are perhaps the best example of a couple in love. The sacrifice for each other and always put the other first. Take a couple minutes and read what Lori has to say about Love and Commitment.

"Every Tuesday I attend a class taught by a licenced and practicing psychologist. Topics range from depression to academic success, and our discussions are generally very thought-provoking and insightful.

A couple weeks ago, our topic regarded, in part, the challenges inherent in choice. Our teacher cited a study that was so interesting to me. Will you play along for a moment?

It was a home decor experiment on its face: participants were divided into two groups and given the chance to choose a poster or piece of artwork from a large selection. Members of Group 1 were asked to make their selection with the assurance that they could return and make exchanges at will. They could trade their picture at any time. Members of Group 2, however, were asked to make their choice with the understanding that their decision would be final. They could keep the art - no charge - but they could not trade.

After a time, participants in the study were surveyed to determine which individuals were more satisfied with their choices- the ones who could exchange or the ones who could not.

What would you guess?

Many members of our class were surprised to discover higher rates of satisfaction among participants who were not allowed to exchange their choice.

The reason?
Comparison.
The participants who were invited to trade their artwork at will were constantly comparing - constantly wondering if they couldn't find something a little better, while those who could not trade were content.

Fascinating, isn't it?
I've thought a lot about that concept in relation to relationships - about how our satisfaction and love truly increase when we commit and stop comparing.

I experienced that increase seven and a half years ago. On July 12, 2002, Wes asked me to marry him. Our engagement wasn't a surprise. We were in LOVE. We'd been talking about getting married for over a month. But something did surprise me: the feelings I had for Wes when I woke up on July 13th were not the same feelings I'd had through our courtship. The love I felt on the morning of July 13th was markedly different. It had increased exponentially. Overnight. I wrote in my journal something like: "It's amazing how much commitment increases love."

It is amazing. And real. But only when the commitment is real, and when we allow it to limit other options.

When Wes was a little boy he heard about a divorce in a friend's family at school and later brought up the subject with his parents. He has never forgotten their reassuring response: "Divorce is not an option for us." That was all he needed to hear. He hasn't worried about their marriage since.

He shared that impactful memory with me before we were engaged and I knew that I wanted my own marriage to be couched in that kind of commitment. (I'm not saying that divorce isn't sometimes necessary. But I don't believe it is often necessary.) Because isn't there power in that kind of commitment? The kind that says, "I choose you. For keeps. Forever." Isn't there power in the kind of commitment that ceases searching for a someone or a something that might be better? Isn't there power in the kind of commitment that gives all and not part?

We've found that there is power in that kind of commitment. Power and satisfaction, and security. That kind of commitment - devoid of comparison, full of contentment -is what makes marriage "more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive." (Spencer W. Kimball). And in this modern world of overwhelming options, we wish we could shout:

Don't be afraid to choose! Don't be afraid to commit! Don't be afraid to love.

Marriage is worth it.
Trust us."

Never Be Ashamed of Your Role as Mother

In October of 2005, Sister Bonnie D. Parkin, then the R.S. General President, gave a talk entitled "Sweet Moments". In this talk she told a story to illustrate the importance of being a mother.

"Sometimes that love comes in unexpected ways. Kristen was finishing a graduate degree and had recently given birth to her second child. She felt the other graduates had accomplished so much more and was reluctant to attend the graduation dinner. Her fears were confirmed when, at the dinner, the students were asked to list their professional accomplishments. Kristen recalled: 'I suddenly felt embarrassed and ashamed. I had nothing to call myself, no lofty position, no impressive job title.' To make matters worse, the professor read the lists as he presented a diploma to each student. The woman ahead of Kristen had many accomplishments: she already had a PhD, was receiving a second master’s degree, and she’d even been a mayor! The woman received grand applause.

"Then it was Kristen’s turn. She handed the professor her blank sheet, trying to hold back the tears. The professor had been one of her teachers and had praised her performance. He looked at her blank paper. Without missing a beat he announced, 'Kristen holds the most critical role in all of society.' He was quiet for a few seconds, then declared in a powerful voice, 'She is the mother of her children.' Instead of a few courteous claps, people rose to their feet. There was just one standing ovation that night; it was for the mother in the room.

"Mothers, you are instruments in God’s hands, with a divine responsibility to teach and nurture your children. Little ones so need your kind and loving hand. As you put them first, He will direct you how to best serve them."

Motherhood is not an easy job. It is often unrecognized by mortals, but our Father in heaven knows our efforts and has not forgotten us. He will guide us as we seek to teach his children in righteousness and there is no better thing we can do on this earth.

Mothers: Builders of the Future

A wise, insightful friend of mine made this beautiful post.

I hope you take a chance to read it. It's not long, but so true.

As Mothers we are builders. Builders of the future men and women. Builders of character. Builders of souls.

What an amazing responsibility!

A Team

My good friend wrote this the other day on her blog. Love this girl.

"Go team!" That's what Kendall said when he saw me sitting on the floor of the law library this afternoon. I was there reading while Luke studied in his carrel next to me. Luke made it successfully through his first week of practice court; he's been working so hard. Read, eat, sleep. That's all. And not much of the eating and sleeping, really. But he's handling it so well, and I know he's going to keep doing that.Kendall looked a Luke's PC stuff (binders full of cases to be read and boxes full of more cases), asked a few questions about how he had it organized, and mentioned that his wife was going to help him get his in order. I liked that he said that, and I tried to imagine a world in which Luke would need my help with that kind of thing. Unimaginable.There are a lot of things that Luke will never need my help with; he's one of the most capable people that I have ever met. In a side-by-side comparison, he'd come out ahead of me a million times over. His strength, stability, and independence are some of the things that I love the most about him. But no matter how much I value those traits (and I do - very very much), being around someone like that that can make it easy for a girl to feel awfully small sometimes.But I'm learning something important: that there are a lot of ways to need someone. Even though Luke will never need my help with most things, and he doesn't need me in the way that I'm used to being needed, he still chooses me. Because he loves me and wants me and needs me in a different way.I liked it when Kendal called us a team, because after all of the mess this summer, I feel like a real team member again now that Luke is back. I feel like I can love and support him the way I want to--in the way that he needs me to. And I like being a part of a team.

What a great reminder that we need to support each other in our righteous desires and efforts and work together as a TEAM to succeed!

Share the Burden

Another Movie Review
I just finished watching the movie:
The Young Victoria
Aside from being a great historical fiction movie
It was a great lesson on relationships, marriage and love.

Since I am not a historian and do not know the actual details of these events, I will be commenting strictly on the events that took place in the movie.

Her good husband, Prince Albert, reminded me of my own husband. Patient, kind, understanding, wise, loving, gentle...and the list goes on and on.

I enjoyed two lessons in particular that we can gain from this story.

The first, is that we need to accept support from our spouse.

We are in it ALL together!

No matter what it is. If he's in school, or you have a difficult job...not mater what, we should be there to support and accept support from each other.

I love the picture above. Victoria is leaning on Albert. Allow him to take away some of her pressure and burden. Marriage is not about one spouse leading the other, but going through life together!

Victoria had a heavy responsibility. Albert was ready and willing to help and support her. She was so reluctant to accept his help, but by allowing her husband to support her she allowed their relationship to grow, respect to increase and the overall one-ness and happiness to blossom in their marriage.

The second lesson I enjoyed learning is to appreciate our spouse.

What a wonderful loving and supportive husband Albert was. Victoria had moments of being very unkind, overly emotional and even hurtful, and yet he still loved her and even risked his life for her. What a wonderful example of commitment and true love.

So, tonight, evaluate the good things in your spouse and the strength of support in your marriage. Thank your spouse for the love and kindness they show to you and decide what you can do to support your spouse more and allow them to do the same.

Bright Star

If you want to see a really sappy movie, watch Bright Star.

Everyone should feel this way about their spouse.

"My love has made me selfish. I cannot exist without you — I am forgetful of every thing but seeing you again — my Life seems to stop there — I see no further. You have absorb'd me. I have a sensation at the present moment as though I was dissolving — I should be exquisitely miserable without the hope of soon seeing you. [...] I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion — I have shudder'd at it — I shudder no more — I could be martyr'd for my Religion — Love is my religion — I could die for that — I could die for you."

(Letter, 13 October 1819).

The Butter to Each Other's Bread

I am absolutely obsessed with marital relationships. I'm not sure why, but everything I watch, everything I hear, everything I do, I relate to marriages and relationships...and I love it!

Today I finished watching Julie and Julia. I heard it was a good flick, so I popped it on. And you know what? I loved it! Not because it was about cooking, or about women, but because it was about amazingly supportive husbands and wonderful marriages.

These women, found themselves in a funk. No children, they didn't enjoy what they were currently doing with their life, so they DID something! They learned! And what did their husbands do? Supported them. Every step of the way. Through meltdowns, through setbacks, through heart aches. How sweet and tender is that?!

My own husband has been a wonderful support to me. When we were first married I still had some schooling to finish up. He finished his job and teaching early morning seminary before he planned to, and we moved to Utah for the summer so I could finish some classes. Then, over the next year, he supported me more as I worked hard to work full time AND complete the rest of my schooling. He would cook dinner, do the dishes, wash the laundry, and comfort & encourage me when I wanted to quit. Now its MY turn to support HIM while he completes the dental school.

I am not saying that a good husband should support his wife in whatever she wants to do. But I AM saying that a spouse should support their spouse in worthy goals. That means it goes both ways. Sometimes you will support your spouse, and other times in your marriage they will support you (or it maybe occur simultaneously).

But happiness in marriage will occur as we support, love, and care for each other.

To quote the movie:

May you and your spouse always be "the butter to [each other's] bread" as you support each other through life!

Optimism in Marriage

Dictionary.com defines Optimism as:
op·ti·mism –noun
1. a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome.

I believe that we are always happier when we are optimistic. Therefore, if we wish to be happy in our marriage, we should be optimistic in our marriage. We should "look on the more favorable side of events". This means we see our spouse's strengths, not their weaknesses. We see the good and nice things they do for us and others, not the bad or annoying.

(This does not, however, mean that we overlook wrong. If a spouse or family member is abusive, breaking the law, or breaking a commandment it is Not okay!)

Its the little things though. Have you ever heard the phrase: go into marriage with your eyes wide open and through marriage with your eyes half shut.

This means that before you get married you should know your spouse well enough that we see some of their weaknesses. When you get married you don't expect that they will change, or think that YOU can change them. It means you accept them for who they are, decide that you can see past those weaknesses, and love them for all the GOOD that is inside of them and that they are.

President Gordon B. Hinckley was one of the most optimistic people I know.
He shared this about optimism:
"We have every reason to be optimistic in this world. Tragedy is around, yes. Problems everywhere, yes. … [but] you [can] look with optimism, work with faith, and things happen...I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we accentuate the positive. I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good...that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears."
Gordon B. Hinckley, “Words of the Prophet: The Spirit of Optimism,” New Era, Jul 2001, 4

YES! Let us more fully enjoy that sunshine in our marriages. The happiness and joy we experience with our spouse. Let us see the good, and work together to help each other become better!

Optimist's Day

My friends and I have always considered ourselves optimists. Our Freshman year in high school we decided there needed to be a day dedicated to celebrating optimism. So, one of the last days of the school year we dubbed optimists day, ice cream was bought, and a tradition began.

Contrary to what some may think (...or tease, like my husband), optimism is not just saying the word "positive". For those who may not understand the idea, here is what optimism is and is not:

SITUATION: You go to make your favorite dinner and realize that one of the main ingredients is missing. You make due and substitute it with something else that gives it a completely new flavor.

NOT OPTIMISTIC: I'm positive that this dinner will be disgusting.

OPTIMISTIC: It's a good thing we were out of that ingredient, because now we get to try a whole new recipe! Who knows, maybe it will be better than the original!

We all have our own trials throughout life. I have found that life is much happier when we find the GOOD in each situation. The last couple years Austin and I have been given the trial of not yet being blessed with children. But we have also been blessed to be able to see the good that has come from this trial.

In honor of optimists day, here are a few things we have been blessed with and are optimistic about with our trial.
(some may not make sense, but trust me, they're related)


-I learned how to use a wheat grinder

-I learned how to make wheat bread

-We are learning how to eat healthier

-I've been more active and a better eater than ever before in my life

-We've had GREAT opportunities to serve those around us

-We have made wonderful trips, and memories with family and friends that may have not been possible with a larger family

-We have bonded with other families and couples that share our trial

-We have had time to build our relationship and had together that may not have been possible.

-We have had the opportunity to save for the day we need a little extra money, aka when there's an extra mouth to feed

-We have learned to be more patient
(and when I say WE, I mean ME, because Austin is already patient enough for the both of us)

-We have learned to more fully rely on the Lord and wait for HIS will to be done


President Gordon B. Hinckley was one of the most optimistic people I know.
He shared this about optimism:
"We have every reason to be optimistic in this world. Tragedy is around, yes. Problems everywhere, yes. … You can’t, you don’t, build out of pessimism or cynicism. You look with optimism, work with faith, and things happen...Do not despair. Do not give up. Look for the sunlight through the clouds...I am asking that we stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life we accentuate the positive. I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good...that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears."
Gordon B. Hinckley, “Words of the Prophet: The Spirit of Optimism,” New Era, Jul 2001, 4

So, go enjoy optimists day with a big bowl of ice cream (in traditional celebratory fashion) and BE OPTIMISTIC!

Honeymoon Marriage Counselor

My Dad wrote this article over ten years ago. I remember when it was published. It has always stuck with me, and I have found it to be true so far in my marriage. I can only imagine how much more important it will be when my husband and I start having children in the mix.

Read it, Share it, Live by it:

Our stop in the small town was brief, but the lesson we learned has lasted a lifetime.
My wife and I met our first and only marriage counselor on our honeymoon. He was wearing a green forest ranger’s uniform and working in a historical museum in Cedar City, Utah. We met him there while taking a break during our long drive from California, where we had just been sealed in the Los Angeles Temple.
Soon after we entered the museum, the ranger recognized us as newlyweds. He began talking to us and asked if he could share some advice. With our permission, he told us of his aunt and uncle who had recently divorced after some 30 years of marriage. He said they were good people, but over the years they had “grown apart” or “fallen out of love” because they had ceased to do things together. He suggested that even if my wife were sewing, I could go into the same room and at least be with her and talk to her—be together with her.
My wife and I have always remembered this counsel given to us on the day after our union in the holy temple. There we were taught the greater obligation and eternal nature of marriage, a union in which we are to cleave unto each other and become one—in other words, be together.
We have tried to follow his advice in the simplest of ways. We often read books together or discuss a book we each have read individually. We sit next to each other at the dinner table rather than sitting at the head or foot of the table. We sit together at church rather than dividing ourselves among our children. In the evening, we often work on our individual projects in the same room. We regularly counsel together regarding our callings in the Church, home teaching or visiting teaching families, and talks or lessons.
Some years ago when my wife was very ill and in bed most of the day for a period of months, we had little time to be together. My commute to work was long, and when I arrived home there was much work to do: dinner to prepare and children to get ready for bed—then things to clean up. But after all was done, we would regularly spend time, however short, talking and praying together as a couple before we ended our day.
During that same period of difficulty, my wife and I came to realize we had a responsibility to work together to teach our children with the little time we had available. We were often invited to socials and other fun activities. However, we came to realize that some activities seemed to take us away from each other and our children rather than strengthening us and bringing us closer as a couple and family.
It can be subtly tempting to lay aside our commitment to covenants and companion when we are diverted by difficulty and disappointment or when the activities and challenges of daily living demand our immediate attention. How easy it can be to get lost in the world’s fun diversions, the work-a-day world of acquiring position and possessions, or even in spending too much time with our children instead of our partner. It is easy to forget our direction if we are not regularly studying the scriptures along with the words of our living prophets.
President Spencer W. Kimball wrote: “When a husband and wife go together frequently to the holy temple, kneel in prayer together in their home with their family, go hand in hand to their religious meetings, keep their lives wholly chaste, mentally and physically, … and both are working together for the upbuilding of the kingdom of God, then happiness is at its pinnacle” (Marriage and Divorce [1976], 24). Although we have never again met our Cedar City counselor, we thank him for his advice: work together, grow together, and live life together.

(Brent A. Fisher, “Honeymoon Marriage Counselor,” Ensign, Jan 1999, 44)

Our Time

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for two years. It has been an interesting journey, but we have been greatly blessed.

I have had a harder time than my husband (because us girls are just emotional like that) but in recent months we have been blessed with peace. With that peace, we have come to see all the wonderful blessing that we are able to experience while we are waiting for our family to start.

I have realized that the only other time we will have to just be US will be after our children are gone, and even then it will never be exactly the same.

I don't condone putting off a family for selfish reasons, even reasons of "US TIME" because it can be taken too far, or become an excuse. But starting a family is a personal choice. It is solely between you as a couple, and the Lord. When we have trust and faith in the Lord, he will bless us with a family when the time is right.

May I suggest, if you find yourself in a similar situation of wanting a family but not being blessed with one yet, that you find the good in the situation instead of stressing over something you don't have control over. Use this time to decide how you will parent. Learn a new skill. Find a way to serve those around you. But most importantly, enjoy the time that you have together and create some forever memories.

Guidelines Show Love

My cousin posted this on her blog the other day. I thought it was a very insightful observation about how we need to parent our children. Nowadays many parents would rather be their child's friend than their disciplinarian. I think you will agree that as we try to be their friend, there is often a lack in guidelines and children often end up being wild.

Here are her thoughts:

The parable of the coloring page.
Last Sunday I received some interesting insight while watching Dallin color during church. Here's how it went:

Dallin was coloring in church. He had no coloring pages, so he compensated by coloring pictures I'd drawn for him months ago. He tried very hard to stay within the lines! When he was given a blank page and a crayon, he scribbled wildly on the page. Just like how Dallin tried to carefully color in the lines I had given him, he will need spiritual lines to stay in as he grows and learns. Without those boundaries, he is loud, wild, and without a guide to stay within the area he needs to be. It is our responsibility as parents to provide those lines and boundaries for him and to help him and guide his hand. Some will say they should be free to color outside the lines and that boundaries restrict their freedom. This isn't so. While we are told to stay in between the lines we aren't told what colors to use. We can make the picture how we want it.

And may I add that as we give our children the proper guidelines to have a happy and successful life, it is one way that we show them how much we love them.

(A More Real) Love Story

I came across this from my sister not too long ago.

Its pretty funny. The typical "Love Story" and "Happily Ever After" we grow up with is a bit deceiving. I believe you CAN have a Happily Ever After, but that doesn't mean there won't be bumps along the way. In fact, its my opinion that the bumps are what make Happily Ever After that much more enjoyable!

Check it out: